


Love will be cruel.

by MindAndHeart



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College, Drama, F/F, Humor, Love, Not vampire, Philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4831394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindAndHeart/pseuds/MindAndHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have been struck out myself from this evil world. I don't want anything. There is absolutely no desires, no ambitions. In the eighteen years old I have completely cut off from the people, trying to keep communication to a minimum. But, as always, is a "but." I'm in love. Unrequited. I'm in love with Laura Hollis. I want to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I can feel like an outsider into this cheap, dirty and sinful world. I'm not on the wave as everyone. Five years already I'm not on the radio station of life as everyone. When I was eighteen, I confess, I thought that things would change, but it remains the same crap as before. I have been struck out myself from evil world in which there is nothing of beauty. Only dullness, blacknessand emptiness. I sighed.

 

However, ifto be honest with myself, I have only one reason for all and this is antisocial personality disorder and social phobia. In the presence of people I simply just get lost ... And from this fact, I learned to suffer passively. Cry inside with a straight face outside. Cry in public makes no sense. Actually, sometimes I think about where I was so gloomy to go - to a psychiatrist or immediately to the undertaker?

 

Hate life possible only a result of apathy and laziness. I can congratulate me and I applause me because it's the only two things that are endlessly live with me next from thirteen. One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in the activity. Life’s diagnosis. My apathy peaked in sixteen. Yes, in this, like, turning the age for a more of teenagers. But obviously not for me. I remember when I was just in my sixteenth birthday ate not burnt scrambled eggs homemade and not poisoned. The only advantage of my sixteenth birthday. No faith, no aspiration, no anger, no hatred, no desire. The trouble is that I was a long time for all care. I don’t have any goals, no ambition. I don’t like it. Everything was too bothered. I had become too bothered from myself. Sadly admit that I can’t even get away from myself. Fucking shit.

 

And now I'm sitting at a dirty, scruffy table, picking spoon in swollen cereals and filling milk, and watching the minute hand. Why do you bitch is so fast? People say that if you sit at the table, you're not will save the world. On the other side, to ditch it too will fail. What a pity.

 

And even I’m just sitting at the table; I’m not doing anything, because I can’t do anything that would be worth to do. Notebook threw in a bag for a long time. I dressed, if that suited me, can be called clothes. But I don’t care. I like it; I used to be more precise. I would lay down with my pleasure to my old but for me a comfortable bed. Nobody stumbles, lying in bed. This is why I like the bed. I would marry the bed. But, unfortunately, no such laws. Nothing for people.

 

From a small empty room, called the "kitchen", exuded despair, anguish and mid-September. And this is only the beginning of the school year. I also heard that the human who many think is often inactive. I'm genius. And I'm so terribly indifferent to all that surrounds me. I have a terrible emptiness inside, some indifference to everything and that is killing me. But there is a thrill. Look, I'm not like all of you, and I don’t care what all of you think, stupid assholes.

 

“What are you doing here? Should not you be in college?” yes, oh, really there are awakened maternal feelings in my mother? I'm going to be sick.

 

“Early,” I mumbled.

 

“Early, early,” she snorted, “so early, then you will late or do not come to Silas.” She grinned. I hid my eyes behind a fringe. And what does she clung to me? She works. She fucks with all the men in her "beloved" hospital. I'm sick of it.

 

“Are you so worried?” I asked quietly, sipping milk from a plate and immediately grimaced.

 

“If to be honest, my dear, I don’t care,” she turns face to me. Her angry face. Blonde hair assembled in the high beam. This fucking tone when she talks to me. “I just work and I hate it when I'm distracted. So, let's eat up your cerealsand go,” and she gave me some money and left. 

 

After sitting for a few minutes, I reluctantly stand up from the creaking chair, pour all this disgusting muck in the sink and wash away. I go into the hall and put my worn leather jacket, and I hear.

 

“Carmilla, don’t forget the keys,” I gritted my teeth. I hate my name. Dull. The old-fashioned. Disgusting. Carmilla. Mother was clearly thumping when she called me that name. Yes, exactly how could I forget? My name is incredibly suited to my stranger surname. Carmilla Karnstein. I want to fall on the ground. So that could be naming any vampire in some romantic novel of the nineteenth century. Fortune loves me since birth.After throwing the keys in the bag, I went out onto the porch, unhooking my rusted bicycle and sat down on it and I ride to the hated college. Yeah. Future sociopath journalist. Mother chose for me great faculty, where I, a few years ago, send documents. And I was accepted. Damn.

 

Slowly, where for half an hour, I crawled to this cursed Silas. A better name for my college to come up with was impossible. As always, a lot of people, which disperses its class, benefits not.After parking my bike, I made head down, and made my way to my class, where to begin philosophy. The only subject which gives me at least some emotions. No one notice me, and so I quickly slipped inside, taking the last row because I don’t want people sees me and asks.

 

“Are you okay?” next to me body sits. LaF. I rolled my eyes, covering my face with a fringe. They are only person who didn’t annoy me.

 

“No. Have I ever been in a different way? Do you want to help me with this?”

 

“No. I asked out of courtesy," they shrug, removing hair from their eyes. They are also strange as me. So we became friends in some way. I sighed.

 

“Oh, look, your unrealized love,” I moaned. Good that no one heard. I put my chin in hands, and watch at her.

 

Laura Hollis. Laura. Hollis. Her name evoked a thrill in my soul. Laura Hollis is the most popular girl in college Silas. I am Carmilla Karnstein is hopelessly invisible girl who is in love with her. I hate this life and myself. If I would be a little bolder and more assertive, perhaps, I would say “hello” to her. But no. I'm not her destiny.

 

Love took all my thoughts towards her. Love is crazy, forced to hate the whole fucking world. Because of this feeling, I felt a little stupid girl who decided to taste miracle which I was not under force. The one, who discovered the unrequited love, must have been a sophisticated cynic and sadist. More than mocking and terrible torture for a human hard to imagine. I love her so much that she doesn’t notice me.

 

Oh yeah. And her dull company. I can’t stand them. And how she made friends with them? The only normal person among in them, which could be friend withLaura it’s Lola Perry. Quite girl with long red hair and gorgeous ass. But not elegant as Hollis. Damn. I should stop to think about it. I shook my head.

 

And also Laura is friends with “two” of the idiotic bros. Will and Kirsch. This Willyboy is tail suited for scrambling over for Laura, in every way trying to attract her attention, to get her into bed. Kirsch is so stupid that he could not even properly tie shoelaces. But it was a plus. He was not flirting with Laura. He flirted with chicks. Thank heavens that Laura was not in this circle.But another personwho isflirting with Laura -Danny Lawrence. I wanted to punch her in the face. In my thoughts, of course. With her gigantic height, I can’t do this.

 

Laura was smiling shyly, pushing her hair behind her ear. I sighed. Yeah. I hate myself for what I fell in love with into her. Kirsch, Will and Lola laughed at something, and Laura looked at them indignantly. And when she wrinkles her nose, she's very sweet. I'm disgusted.

 

Lecturer, who came into the audience, broke all the talk and laughter. I'm looking for Laura, who sat on the first row. God, her hair. I'm sure they smell wonderful. Shit. In my mind I behave like a fucking maniac.

 

“When you have to come to her and tell about your feelings?” LaF whispered. I shrugged my shoulders irritably.

 

“When you have come near to Lola and tell about your feelings?” I asked, looking at LaF. They pursed their lips.

 

“I can’t. I'm too shy.”

 

  
“And I have wonderful news for you. And me too. And I do so well. So closed the subject,” I turned away, listening to the lecturer.

 

“Then, so,” the gray-haired man began, “you know, that philosophy is an important subject.” The audience boomed, and the lecturer smiled. Idiots. “So, here. This semester I'll break you into pairs of two or three people, to my opinion. You will do for me fundamental research. Any topics related to philosophy. From Socrates to you,” he laughed. Yeah. I can give you such a fundamental material that you will die.

 

“Now I'll break you in pairs,” he took a notebook from the table, “raise your hand when I call your names.”

 

I listened with half an ear. Anyway, as always, I will be doing work with LaF. Kirsch got some chick. Will got a nerd guy. I gloated that he will not work with Laura.

 

“So, Lola Perry,” the girl raised her hand, “you will be working with Susan...,” I looked at LaF, who stared in shock at the lecturer. Congratulations, idiot. You have a chance. I grinned.

  
LaF jumped in the place, although you could just raise your hand. According to audience rolled laughter when everyone turned to see who is it. Lola smiled at LaFontaine, and LaF plopped down on a chair with the stupid smile in the world.

 

“So, Ms. Laura Hollis,” the man smiled, calling her name, “well, well, well ... Who am I to put you in a pair? That's it. Carmilla Karnstein?” my eyebrows went up, and I almost fell off the chair. Suddenly, my heart pounding. Shit, shit, shit. No. This is a joke, and I sleep. Damn, I have to crawl under the table.

  
“Ms. Karnstein?”

 

And everyone is whispering among themselves about who is it? Laura turned, searching human with handraised. Everyone turned, trying to find me. Can I die right here? Suddenly, my hand jerked up, and I looked at LaF.

 

“Here,” LaF told, shaking my hand in the air. Fine, just fine. I buried my nose in hand, hiding my face.

  
“Oh, wonderful! I think two of you do with Ms. Hollis a perfect job. Two of you have the highest marks in my subject,” shut up, shut up, asshole. I looked up and I crossed my eyes with Laura, who stood up to see me … She was clearly interested. Damn. I looked away, staring out the window.

 

  
“See how lucky we are!” LaF pushed me in the shoulder. Yes. Now I want to die with joy. The rest of the class has passed rather quietly, and as soon as the lecturer announced to the end of the lesson, I stormed out of the auditorium. Come out of class, I'm going to home. I need to calm the nerves.

 

I flew out of college. Damn. I've never not be able to explain, even to myself, that how now I feel, but it doesn’t matter. Explanations belong to the future, and I still dwell in the present, which is heading into shit.

 

“Stop!” I heard a sonorous voice. Oh, no. I added steps.

 

  
“Hey, I tell you!” I hear rapid footsteps, which are trying to catch up with me. No, no, no.

 

  
“Carmilla?!” I stoodasrooted to the spot. I also hated my name but my name sounded so easy from her mouth, my "roof" is moved on. And how she did it?

 

“Oh, hey!” I turned, my eyes met with hazel eyes, which genuinely smile to me. Laura smiled at me sheepishly. I frowned. Yes, let's be like an idiot. I’m silent. Though it’s necessary to say something.

 

  
“Are you Carmilla, huh?”

 

  
“Five seconds ago, you called me by my name, and is now asking I'm Carmilla?” fuck. I said a long sentence. Over the past five years, that was in a year ago last time.

 

“Yeah, right,” Laura smiled awkwardly, “I'm Laura,” she gave me hand, and I take a step back. I don’t like all these bodily contact. She stares at me.

 

  
“I know,” I shrug. God, Carmilla Karnstein, stop acting like a complete bitch. The girl of your dreams is speaking to you, and you're just an asshole.

 

 

“Oh, what are your faculty?” she asks, and I want to growl. This is the second year of study, and she didn’t even notice. Although, what I expected.

 

“Journalism,” I answered curtly, looking how her eyes widen. Suddenly, right?

 

  
“Journalism? I do journalism!” her voice radiates of joy notes and I sigh. “Just why I ...” she cuts off herself. Why didn’t you see me even once? Because people like you, don’t pay attention to people like me. Sometimes taped label imperceptibly becomes a vocation. My labelis calling to be invisible. Again, I’m silent.

 

  
“Okay,” she looks at me and I shook my head, hiding my eyes. “I wanted to ask you, when you are free to do our project? Just, you ran away so quickly ...”

 

 

“I don’t know. I don’t care."

 

 

“We could meet after school to discuss?”

 

 

“I can’t,” she purses her lips. Damn, I'm sorry, Laura. If I told you about my love, you surely would have laughed until you died of a heart attack.

 

 

“It's okay,” she smiles. God. Stop doing it so often, because my heart can’t take another somersault. “You could give me your phone number so I can call you, and we could make an appointment to the project.”

 

  
“No,” I say. This is too much. My mother doesn’t even know my phone number, what to say about you.

 

 

“Oh,” awkward silence fills the space between us. “Okay. Then I give you my number,” she quickly pulls out a notebook and pencil, writes slowly, and then gently plucked a leaf from a notebook, hands it to me. I didn’t move, stubbornly staring at her. On the side we look like two idiots. Although I'm exaggerating. She's not an idiot; it's too offensive to her.

 

Her next gesture became a complete surprise to me. Laura came close to me, stuffing a piece of paper in the pocket of my jacket, buttoned zipper. I almost had a stroke from this proximity. Her smell. I would like to write this smell on the recorder. Mixture of chocolate and milk. This wonderful smell came from her golden curls. This smell left a burn on my lungs. I quietly pulled the flavor to keep it in mind.

 

She immediately pulled away from me, smiling. I raised an eyebrow.

 

  
“You go to class?”

 

  
“No, I'm not feeling well,” and I turned around.

 

“See you!” Laura said, and I lowered my head, smiled widely. I have a number of Laura Hollis. Laura. Hollis. I bit my lip in a smile. Somebody hit me in the face, for the first time in five years, I feel happy. I wanted to laugh, cry and jump.I barely restrained not to hit myself in order to wipe that stupid smile off the face.Until I went at home, I was smiling, like the last idiot who went crazy from love ...


	2. Chapter 2

It was a wonderful, sunny autumn day. These days bring people a joy, satisfaction, happiness and bliss. The warm rays of the sun gently warm the skin, pleasant breeze gently stroke hair, in the air of delicious smells that fill the void of space. Suicidal atmosphere. I don’t like autumn. However, as well as winter, spring and summer.

 

I was lying on the couch and stared at the colorless dullness of my days. The TV was on at full volume, and TV showed some crap that I didn’t even look. Food is over. I sighed. Now I understand what it means to “burn out”. That's what happened to me. I burned out. Something in me was extinguished, and everything was indifferent. I didn’t do anything. Nothing. I want nothing. Home phone rang, and I groaned. Definitely mother called. I reached for the handset and press button.

 

“What are you, died there, or what? Why so long?” stern voice killed my eardrums.

 

“I ... just ...” I start to mumble.

 

“Enough mumble, Carmilla. This annoys me,” she hissed into the phone. “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing ...”

 

  
“Not surprisingly,” she snorted. Well, what do you think I can do? Go for a walk? I hate walking. Read? I have read everything in the house but the phone isn’t very easy to read, and you didn’t give me some money for new books. I was silent.

 

“You went to the store?”

 

  
“To the store?”

 

  
“Carmilla,” I heard mother gritted her teeth. “For whom I left a list of products and money on the table in the kitchen? Open your eyes!”

 

  
“I didn’t see ...”

 

“Didn’t see! You still don’t go college, then at least be good, and go to the fucking shop. That's all. I'm told,” I heard beeps. I pursed my lips and threw the phone on the floor; I got up and trudged to the kitchen.Taking a list of the table, nervously reading it, not concentrating much attention, I shoved it into the back pocket of jeans. I grabbed the money and shoved into another pocket.

 

I captured jacket and closed the door and sat on the bike. I went to the closest store, which is a five minute drive away. Too many people. What the hell are you not to work or study? Taking the basket and look for tracing unhappy woman who measured me a scornful look, I went to department store, trying to escape from here as quickly as possible. Running across departments and putting everything necessary into the basket, I went to the cashier. I'm still not comfortable. Well, of course ... There are too many people around. I noticed the guy looks at me. He smiled, and I shivered.

 

To say that my relationship with the opposite sex is not folded, then don’t say anything. For that matter, my relationship didn’t develop to any sex. But unfortunately my bad nature, which combined the ability to not talk, unsociable and stiffness make any impulse to speak failure. I was sure that a large light love doesn’t threaten me.Mutual love for sure. Unrequitedlove is already in me. It’s unlikely that someone so kindled a passion or love for my humble person and to be able to overcome an aversion to me. I would be happy to be changed, perhaps, but I can’t ... I just don’t understand people, but people don’t understand me, for some reason. And therefore the hovering fluids in the autumn air of love, happily circled the side of me. And, thank God.

 

I paid off with a cashier. I took the packages and went back. Quickly came at home, I left the packages and clothing in the hallway. Walking up to my room, I stopped briefly at the mirror. The mirror is the most severe and harsh form of truth. You are not in it just the way it really is. It would be desirable to match the appearance of your way as you feel inside. Sometimes people are like ugly things. This ugliest thing I see in the mirror right now. Although, I don’t have to worry about the face and how to avoid becoming ugly inside. But it seems that I have with this is already too late.

 

I fell on the bed. Yeah. My success in this life can be assessed on a scale from zero to the loser.Success depends on the speed of adaptation to new circumstances. Yes. But I wasn’t able to adapt to new circumstances called “Laura Hollis is your partner in philosophy”. Oh shit. Therefore, I have four days to not appear in college.

 

During these four days, I didn’t to call or even to write to Laura. I feel like an idiot. It’s so easy to dial a number and talk. But not for me. It’s necessary to call her.That's what I tell myself for four days. And zero sense. It was one of those crazy ideas that don’t give rest, and you promise yourself that somehow necessarily try, but then, one disgusting morning you wake up and realize that perhaps the time has gone, and you're never do it. Time lost. Someday, later isa dangerous disease, which sooner or later will bury you and dream with you. It is true; they say that there are dreams that can’t be true. I hate myself. Why, when you're alone, there is a feeling that your hard heart torn apart?

 

I actually didn’t do anything. I didn’t lift a finger to simply press a single button. One button. Maybe then I would have called? No. And it would happendif I had much wanted. To make mistakes, don’t necessarily do anything. That I didn’t do. I pulled the phone out of pocket. I lie and look at the phone. That's all. I feel myself like a bacterium, but it seems to me, it lives and it is more diverse than me.

 

I woke up in the evening, smelling of cooking food. Pancakes. That was weird. Phone is lying on the floor. I put phone in my pocket and went downstairs. In the kitchen, the TV worked, and mother standing back to me. Generally, it’s rare that mother cooked meal with great pleasure. I leaned shoulder against the door.

 

“Sleep well?” voice sounded and I trembled.

 

“Well, yeah ...” I said.

 

“Why are you not pulled out the meal from packages?” not turning to me, she asked. I’m silent.

 

“How long are you going to sit at home?” one more question. Again, I’m silent.

 

“Carmilla!” mother have not sustained and raised her voice at me, turning face to me. “You're acting like a lifeless substance. I need you to be educated but you sit at home on your ass and do nothing.”

 

I pursed my lips. Mother turned away from me. I shrugged.

 

“You need from me some motherly advice?” mother stood back to me, frying pancakes. I retired to the background. Is there any advice you can give me? No.

 

  
“Not really,” I whispered.

 

  
“Thanks God because I have not," she says, shifting the pancake from the pan onto a plate. Somehow I don’t doubt it ... The mother turned and looked at me seriously.

 

 

“Why are you so serious?” I asked, lowering eyes to the floor.

 

  
“I think all of this is because of the people with whom I work,” she sighs.

 

  
“They depress you?”

 

“They disgust me,” she snorts. It seems, dislike of people we have in the family. She shifts some pancakes on a plate, and gives them to me. Taking the plate, I went to my room. Sometimes mother shows affection attacks. Put the plate on the curb, I plopped down on the bed.

 

I was lying on the bed, thinking about what ...? Loneliness is particularly bad that it can’t be share with anyone. I'm trying to be everything for everyone, but for me, it turns out, only be consistent loser.There was a sound message. What? What it is? I jump on the bed, trying to understand what is happening.

 

 **Laura** **:** _Hi!_ _:)_

 

I look at my phone, which again begins to sound from incoming messages.

 

 **Laura** **:** _I hope you_ _still remember me, because we have to do the philosophy project._

What the hell is going on? Laura Hollis writes to me? Don’t I sleep? I tried to sit on the bed, almost falling, and stared at the phone's screen. How she has my number? What's going on? I frantically ran a hand through my hair. The phone made a sound again. I grabbed phone and stared at the screen.

 

 **Laura** **:** _How are you?_ _I just noticed that you have four days not appear in college, and I'm wondering is all right?_

Lord ... I put the phone down on the bed, trying not to think. Laura wondered how I was doing. She worried that I wasn’t in college for four days. Although what I mean ... She's just going nervous about the project. That's all. Carmilla Karnstein, stop hoping. I'm just an idiot. Phone vibrated and lighted.

 

 **Laura** **:** _I have noticed that_ _you are not very sociable, cause I wrote to you three messages, and this is fourth. Perhaps I'm wrong and you just can’t read it. Or ignore me ... :( Oh, I'm sorry, too many thoughts._

I take the phone, writing a message.

 

**Carmilla** **:** _Where did you get_ _my number_ _?_

 

 **Laura:** _You answer_ _ed_ _! Hi again! :) And it was not difficult. I first went to the Student Council. I called your name, but unfortunately your number they didn’t have. This is strange, by the way! And then I found LaF, I think. You and they then sat together at philosophy. They happily gave me your number. <3_

I'll kill them. Damn. Well, why? LaF were the only person who had my number. Now and Laura. Basically, I should rejoice and be grateful to LaF, but no.

**Laura** **:** _How are you?_ _All right? Why were you not in college?_

 

Stop it, stop it, stop it ... Why do you want to know all of this? Courtesy? I don’t need it.

**Carmilla:** _Okay._

 

  
**Laura:** _Me too. By the way, did you think about what we will write?_

 

  
**Carmilla:** _I don’t care._

Two minutes there was silence which is broken my breath. Phone so suddenly lighted.

**Laura** **:** _I have a favor to ask ..._

 

  
**Carmilla** **:** _I refuse._

 

  
**Laura** **:** _Well, you_ _don’t even know what I'm going to ask you, and already refuse! :) I just want you to think about the topic and found the relevant literature. It's not difficult, right? Believe me. We will succeed!_

 

Believe me. Two of these simple words. Behind them, you can jump into the whirlpool with a head.

 

 **Carmilla:** _I don’t care_.

 

  
**Laura:** _So you can_ _’_ _t!_

 

  
**Carmilla:** _Maybe. I don’t care. Choose what you want._

 

  
**Laura:** _Actually, we should be working together. Did you know? ~ _ ~_

 

 

 **Carmilla:** _I know. I'm just not bothering you. I always not care all._

 

  
**Laura:** _That's because you're not like everybody else. I have had time to understand it._

 

  
**Carmilla:** _Not like everybody else?_

When she could understand it? During those five awful minutes when we tried to talk to each other on the street, but we didn’t succeed?

 

 **Laura:** _Yes. Unfortunately, you're not like everybody else._

 

  
I frowned. What the hell?

 

  
**Carmilla:** _No. Fortunately, I'm not like everybody else. Not like you._

 

**Laura** **:** _I didn’t mean it that way ..._

 

  
I didn’t respond. I always try to keep quiet, especially when people insult me. A few minutes later the phone lighted and vibrated. I looked at the screen.

 

 **Laura** **:** _I meant_ _that if you're not like everybody else, if you're strange, so_ _you are_ _special._ _No_ _one_ _want to be the same_ _to be like everyone else._

 

  
My eyebrows went up.

 

 **Laura** **:** _But that doesn’t mean that you should disregard applies to everyone. And especially when it comes to studying!_

I had a kind of strange feeling. Now I would like to sleep in the next million years not to talk with Laura. Or simply don’t exist. Or I don’t know exist there. Something like this. This desire for me is always very painful, and it appears only in those moments when I feel the same way at the moment.

**Laura** **:** _I'll wait for you tomorrow. Good night! :)_

 

  
Somebody give me the strength to withstand this ...


	3. Chapter 3

All the time when I wake up in the morning, every time I think that it's just another fucking day, consisting of twenty-four hours, and I just have to hold on. And that is my usual morning. There are days when the morning makes way to the surface, as if through a huge layer of dirt. This morning I woke up with a sense of crystal clarity that if my life is worth getting up.

 

After those messages of Laura, I stayed a week at home. I’m physically and mentally unable to overcome the barrier and out of the house. I didn’t want to. Especially, I didn’t want to talk with Laura. But I really wanted to. But I'm afraid to imagine how I would communicate with her. My confidence, which, as such, doesn’t exist, even runs away until when Laura just sigh next to me. When I'm next to her I’m afraid even to breathe.

 

I was surprised and pleased about the fact that every day Laura sent mea couple of messages. It was always in the evening about ten. When she sent me these messagesI would like to open a window and get out of it with happiness. Only, of course, I didn’t. I just didn’t respond to her messages.

 

 **Laura:** _And hello again! :) Today you didn’t come. Have happened something serious? Maybe you need help?_

 

**Laura** **:** _Hi! <3 I think I understand that you really unsociable and to avoid any interaction with society. :( LaF explained to me that you're not too talkative. But I still try to establish contact with you. How are you doing? :)_

 

 **Laura** **:** _So, it's harder than I thought. Hello again! :) I understand that you don’t want to communicate with me but if you remember, we have to do the project. And without you I can_ _’_ _t_ _do it. So I'm waiting for you tomorrow at the college._

 

 **Laura** **:** _Well,_ _why didn’t you come? ~ _ ~ Hello! I've been waiting for you! I asked LaF, where are you and they shrugged. Now I understand why you and they became friends._

 

And much more similar messages. I'll kill LaF. Became friends? We're not friends with LaF. We just talk to each other when we need to. If not, we don’t even say “hello”. And for me this is normal.

 

I don’t know how to explain to Laura that I wanted to express from myself. Sociopaths and social phobia are not just an emotional hearing loss, but also muteness. I felt like a silly picture on the TV with the sound turned offandI was waving arms and screaming, but don’t saying a word.

 

Laura and I spoke different languages and could not understand each other. More precisely, she would not understand me, and I could not do the same. In the depths of my soul I thought, the only person in the world whom I love so much, and she doesn’t understand me. And that make me joyless.

 

And now I'm sitting on the toilet seat in the ladies' room, cross-legged in the lotus position. And why did I come? Talk to Laura is like death. Damn, I have to go. I just wanted to get up but I heard voices.

 

“You'll feel better if I apologized?” fuck. Danny Lawrence.

 

“No. But you still try,” I straightened up. This voice I know always. This joyous voice belonged to Laura. Is Lawrence guilty before Laura in something? I hope that you, Danny, you will die in a painful death, and the bugs will eat your corpse.

 

Trying not to make a noise, I stand up on my feet. For the first time in my life I want to say, God bless slits in the cabins between the door and the wall. Danny towered over Laura. Damn. I pursed my lips. Laura looked cheerful, leaning back against the sink and standing face to the red-haired.

 

“When we go out on a date?” I closed my eyes. Damn. Damn. Damn. Is Laura dating with her? No. That can’t be. I and my insane brain refuse to believe it.

 

“We’ll go, I promise,” Laura smiles.

 

“You promised me this is the third week,” Lawrence crosses her arms, straightened in full height.

 

“Danny, I know, but now I have a case and no time for date.”

 

“A case? There's something more important than me?” ginger is something bring herself to the grave.

 

“I have a project in philosophy ...”

 

“And what's the problem? You're smart! You write in a jiffy,” she touches Laura’s shoulder, and I want to die of knowing that I want this too.

 

“The project in philosophy is in pairs,” Laura sighs. I want to die. “And my partner doesn’t want to communicate with me. And that's how I have to do a project in this situation? I have no idea.”

 

“And who's your partner?”

 

“Carmilla Karnstein,” how? How she says my name? Easy, clearly and in such a tone that I want to shout with happiness.

 

“Who is it? I don’t remember this girl.”

 

“Honestly, I didn’t know about her until the moment when we made pairs ...” Laura sighed, pursing her lips, “and I was very uncomfortable,” I lean my head against the wall, watching them. Oh, Laura, am I in love with the most perfect and wonderful girl in the world?

 

“That's no reason for worrying,” Lawrence waved her hand. I gripped my teeth. Suddenly, not only for me, but for Laura, Danny grabbed her around the waist, lifting from the floor. Laura grabbed her shoulders. In my mind's hand met my face. “You weigh more than I thought.”

 

“I have heavy bones,” Laura smiled. Well, why are you so cute with her?

 

“Of course! Someone likes to eat,” Lawrence laughed, “you know if you ever need someone who will come and eat your food, I’m at your service."

 

And how can I dream about Laura? It's like that to dream for all chocolate cupcakes all over the world belong to me. The only thing I can say that I love her. But I'm very happy for them. Such lovers. I'm sick of these lovers. I want to vomit from such and such lovers.

 

When there is something unpleasant, such as it’s now, I should always ask myself: how much time will it take to ensure that the incident has lost all meaning? But there comes a moment in life when I realize - now or never. And I decide that now.

 

I open the door while shake of my head and stand up in front of Laura and Danny. Laura immediately staggers back from Lawrence, becoming on the floor and pulling away. The redhead glanced at me suspiciously. This awkward moment was divine so much that I see immediately flushed and embarrassed Laura. It was priceless.

 

“Carmilla,” her voice sounded some incomprehensible trembling. Lawrence looked me up. Damn. I never was not even close to her. And now I understand her height.

 

  
“So you're doing a project in the philosophy with her? Well, how do ...,” Laurence snapped, I rolled my eyes.

 

“Danny,” Laura gently slapped her hand. I would not do it gently. And not on the hand. In the face. I can’t say anything because if I open my mouth, it will be worse.

 

  
“What?”

 

  
“Hi,” Laura turns to me, smiling awkwardly. I shrug my shoulders.

 

“Okay, Danny, we'll go to the literature, so ...,” Laura stumbles, quickly coming up to me, grabbing for a jacket, “I will write to you.”

 

  
“Goodbye,” this hits me in the back, and in my heart I exult. Laura keeps my sleeve. But when we didn’t turn to auditorium of literature,wading through the crowd and then catching the surprised looks, I'm starting to panic.

 

“Where are we going?” I asked.

 

  
“To talk,” without turning her head, she said. No. She's not serious? Laura drags me somewhere deep of college, and turning to the right, opens the door, dragging us into the room. I stand on the ground, looking how Laura locks the door. God. I lowered my head to hide my face; I start to bite my lip. Laura jumps up on the table. I stand without moving like a guilty schoolboy, or rather like naughty kitten. I hear Laura sighs. Well, Karnstein. Another huge little step away from a normal life.

 

“Once again, hello,” she’s serious? “I'm sorry for the scene in the bathroom. Danny has behaved not very well. She is always talking what she thinks. She is too straightforward."

 

I raise my head. Laura looks at me. I feel myself like exhibit.

 

“By the way, why have not you responded to my message?” Laura frowns.

 

“I don’t like it,” I’m pronouncing indifference. Hollis purses her lips.

 

  
“You're weird.”

 

  
“I know.”

 

“But that doesn’t mean it's bad,” she begins to make excuses.

 

  
“I don’t care what you think,” I say. That’s not truth. At heart I've always been exactly never mind what other people think about me, but at the same time I was very worried.

 

  
“Oh, well ... Okay. During the time that you stayedat home, you chose what topic we will cover in our project?”

 

“I don’t care," I say. The sunlight came through the window and fell on her face, causing her eyes sparkled with gold.

 

  
“Well ... What do you like?” Laura asked me, turning whole body to me. I pursed lips.

 

  
“Loneliness,” I answered honestly.

 

  
“Why?” she whispered.

 

  
“Because loneliness not judge.”

 

“Oh ... Oh! Well, then I'll look for the philosophers, who covered the topic of loneliness,” she smiled softly.

 

  
“Is that all? Then I'll go,” I’m take my bag on the shoulder. I didn’t have time to make a move how Laura jumped off the table, blocking my way.

 

“I understand that you don’t want to talk with me like with the rest of the human world, but you can’t just walk away!” Laura tries to grab my hand, why I take a step back, like last time. Once again she is amazed about this gesture.

 

  
“Okay,” I don’t like to hear that word out of her mouth, “then I'll go to class. You'll go?”

 

  
“No.”

 

  
“Why?”

 

  
“I don’t want to,” I shrugged my shoulders.

 

“Well, let's go, please. We can talk,” it seems to me, and in her voice I hear hope? “Well, more accurately, I will try to talk with you. Come on!”

 

“No, thank you ...”

 

“Well,” she said, “do you like tea?”

 

“What?” I blinked uncomprehendingly.

 

“Tea. Black. Green. Others,” she smiles. “If you want, we could go to a nearby cafe and drink a cup of tea?”

 

I unconsciously nodded. She smiled wider. Opening the door, Laura beckoned me with her hand behind her. Going behind Laura, looking at her hips, I dutifully went. Tea. Okay. Tea may be. Perhaps the conversation will be softer and relaxed. I hope.

 

Not a lot of people. Cars. Bicycles. Trees. The world. Laura in front of me. Laura strode fast and confident step. I simply trailed behind. How we went to the cafe I didn’t remember, and anyway, I've never noticed this place. Laura sat at the table, pre-ordered two teas. I plopped down in front of her.

 

“Oh, yes! And don’t forget chocolate cupcakes, please!” she shouted to the waiter, who graciously smiled at her. Cupcakes? Chocolate? God, she is perfect.

 

  
“Chocolate cupcakes?” I ask.

 

“Oh, yes! I love them! Oops,” she stammered, “you probably don’t love them? I have not even asked you. Just no one shares my love of chocolate cupcakes, believing that I am, first of all, I'm eating a lot of them, and secondly, only children love chocolate cupcakes. Even my dad thinks so. It's sad, you know.”

 

  
I raised my eyebrows at her long speech.

 

  
“Sorry, I talk too much, just ...”

 

“I like chocolate cupcakes,” I say, interrupting her. Laura smiled.

 

“One point in my favor!” she laughs. “You're younger than me, huh?”

 

Why is such a question? Why is such a conclusion? I frown. Really, when you're trying to find my phone number, you didn’t to look in my portfolio on my date of birth?

 

“I don’t think so,” I say.

 

“When's your birthday?” she asks.

 

“April.”

  
“It's good,” she smiles at me again, and my heart is bursting at the seams. “Mine in October,” she could not speak, because I’m already known. I’m silent. Laura looks at my face why I shook my head. I’m aware of every part of my body, when she looked at me.

 

“Why are you hiding your face behind the hair?”

 

  
“I like it so.”

 

“Don’t you like, when someone looks at you? Sorry. I show too much curiosity,” Laura looked away, and I pursed my lips. I don’t like when someone shows so much attention to me and to my modest person. That's why I became silent. If I long be silent, people stop to notice me. Stop talking and become an invisible human. Sometimes, it seems that I don’t exist in the world. I’m the result of someone's imagination. Someone is invented me, invented this stupid world in which I live.

 

“I don’t like it, but you're doing is not strained,” I shrugged my shoulders. Laura smiles. The waiter brings us tea and chocolate cupcakes. Laura pushes the plate of cupcakes to me.

 

  
“Eat, you are very skinny.”

 

  
“Skinny?”

 

  
“Maybe it's none of my business ...”

 

“Indeed, not yours,” I abruptly move the plate away, and pick up a cup of tea, taking a sip.

 

  
“Well ...,” honestly, I was already beginning to enrage the word out of her mouth. And all started so wonderfully disgusting. And then I look at Laura and I understand that it’s better than looking at all the portraits of the world which gathered in all the museums of the Earth.We sit in silence for five minutes. Laura eats cupcakes, I just drink tea, seeing how Laura looks at me.

 

  
“Well ...,” I’m very surprised that I started talking, “I have to go.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Laura sharply stands up and comes to pay. God, I've never seen such a gorgeous ass like hers. It’s indescribable. I want to think about it.

 

  
“I can drive you to home,” Laura is interested in coming up to me when I dream of her beautiful ass in jeans.

 

“I have a bike,” I said, standing up. Too closely to her. Honestly, I want to bring her on my old bike. I dream of her that she hugs me from behind. My jacket would have smelled her smell, and if I crush in something, the smell will be with me...

 

“Then I'll write you,” she shouts when I leave the cafe quickly.

 

After meeting with Laura, I ride a bike around the city until the evening. I aired my empty head, pounding in her new and useful ideas.

 

After driving up to the house and put the bike on the porch, I went into the house, immediately feeling the sickening smell of refried potatoes. Taking off jacket quietly, I try as much as possible not noticeable to sneak into my room, but I was caught by my unhappy mother.

 

“Where have you been?” she asks.

 

  
“In the street,” I shrug my shoulders.

 

  
“You could have called.”

 

“Why? You're not worried about me than ever.”

 

“How do you even know?” she was anxiously that was very unlike her. “For God's sake, you're only eighteen years old; you should be ... interested in girls, play video games, at least ... And didn’t ride a bike at night!"

 

“Do you know what happens when a girl with symptoms of sociopathy interested in girls?” I quietly asked mother, causing surprise in her eyes. I went between her and the wall, and went to my room.

 

I went inside and closed the door and fell face down on the bed, fully clothed. I looked at my watch and noted that the time ten o'clock at night, I sighed. I want to sleep. Phone beeped in my pocket. Pulling it out of my jeans, I stared at the phone's screen. The most stupid smile in the world creeps away on my face.

 

 **Laura** **:** _Thank you. I was happy :) Hope to see you tomorrow, a lover of chocolate cupcakes! <33_

I smiled. Idiot. Happy sigh. I fell asleep, thinking about her. And about her ass a little bit. But the main thing about her. About her with her lovely ass.


	4. Chapter 4

The decision to go to college was taken quickly, clearly and sharply in the morning. I woke up in a good mood. Yet, yesterday Laura’s message has done its job. Damn, this is too cute, and I was not ready for it. I put on T-shirts and leather pants. Downstairs, I found my mother who was preparing breakfast. She turned and stared at me.

 

“You decided to come to your college?” she smiled. “Brush your hair”.

 

“That’s okay.”

 

“Carmilla,” mother said. I rolled my eyes and I walked into the hall, grabbing the brush in hand. When I brushed my hair I returned to the kitchen, flopping into a chair. Mother has already delivered about something like a toast, filled with egg, bacon, and a cup of tea.

 

“So why did you decide to go to college? On this there were some reasons?” mother leans loin on the table, taking a sip of coffee from a mug. I pursed lips only to not smile.

 

“I have to do a project in philosophy.”

 

“Only you?”

 

“No,” I said, and stupid smile slip through my lips.

 

“Oh, gods,” my mother laughed, why I looked at her puzzled look, “it really was a smile? For a long time I have not seen it.”

 

“No,” I snorted.

 

“No, I obviously saw,” she continued to smile. Surprisingly, today we were both in a good mood. And it happens very rarely. “So, this work in a pair, I understand it?”

 

“Yes,” I shrug.

 

“With a girl?”

 

“Yes, with a girl,” I was so embarrassed by her questions. She was never interested in my personal life, and here are questioning in the morning.

 

“I wonder,” what? What do you wonder? “It's a girl, who you like so much, given to you a stupid smile on your face?

 

“Well ...”

 

“You like her,” shit. I sighed and pursed my lips. “It's good. I'm happy for you.”

 

“Yeah?” I could not believe my ears. It's just talking to me now is my mother?

 

“Yes. Why not? You need to be in love. I hope it’s give you something nice,” already. Tenderness, dullness, inability to speak normally and lust. Although the latter can be folded. Laura has not yet aroused me. Thank God for that.

 

“It’s strange, but thank you,” I felt gaze of mother.

 

“And what's her name?” I almost choked on toast.

  
“Oh ... Laura,” nothing is rare as a complete candor between parents and children.

 

“Good,” my mother smiled, “Well I need to go, and you will eat up and get out. I have left.”

 

She put the mug in the sink and went into the hall, grabbed keys, slammed the door. Leaving my incredibly delicious and nutritious breakfast, I went upstairs to grab my bag and phone. At the moment when I opened the door, my phone made a sound, alerting me about message. I flew to the phone with all speed.

 

 **Laura** **:** _Good morning_ _! <3 I hope to see you today! I'll wait :)_

 

This is something new. She was writing to me in the morning? I smiled. Yet, whatever to say, it is the most pleasant thing that is happening in my life.

  
Putting everything in the bag, I went downstairs, wearing a jacket, and I locked the door. I sat on my old bike and rode to college. The main thing is the road not swallows gloomy autumn sky and didn’t spoil the mood. Well, that didn’t happen, and my mood was still in positive, optimistic phase. I went to cultural studies.

 

As soon I walked into the auditorium, I saw Laura with friends. She immediately turned her attention to me. I swallowed. I quickly climbed the steps to the last. But my surprise when I sat, I saw that Laura goes to me.

 

“Hi,” she greets me, sitting down beside me. Too close. I'll get out of the dream of my life in the same way like I go out into the street.

 

“Hi,” I say quietly, catching Will, who was staring at me like if I took away from him her girl. Kirsch just waved to me, smiling broadly.

 

“How are you? Did you sleep well?” for the first time in my life I regretted that lecturer in cultural studies always late. I looked at Laura.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Me too,” smile never left her face. Lord. Her smile should be made to the list of prohibited practices. But then I remember that a smile is normal state of a normal person. She is too good for me. In general, she is too good for this shitty world.

 

“By the way, I found a few philosophers who have written on the topic of loneliness,” Laura pulls out a notebook and turned to me. “In general, it’s well-known Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Pascal, Kant, Schopenhauer, Hegel, Descartes ...”

 

“And it’s “few”?” I interrupt her.

 

“Oh! Yes, I'm sorry!” she smiles awkwardly, a little shyly looking at me, “I just wanted a little more to find that there was a choice.”

 

“And what do you choose?” I ask.

 

“I would like to discuss with you,” she gave me a notebook. I'm taking it so as not to touch her.

 

“Kierkegaard,” despite a long list, I utter.

 

“Excellent,” Laura reached out to pick up her notebook back, but she touched me. Laura looks at me in surprise. This touch was warm.

 

“Well ...”

 

“Don't touch me. I don’t like it.”

 

“Sorry,” she immediately apologized, taking notebook. The skin is still burning. Damn, I hate that. Well, why am I such an idiot? I'm in love with Laura, but I can’t overcome an aversion to touch. “Sorry for the stupid question, but why don’t you love that someone touches you?

 

“Sometimes, one touch can do a lot more than you think,” I say.

 

“We're not in the philosophy, so ...” she chuckles, and I roll my eyes. Well, fuck you.

 

“Oh, hello, Laura,” LaF say and I lean back against the back of the bench, lowering my head. The mood shifted into a new phase. I want to run out into the street, watering people with gasoline and set on fire.

 

“Hey, LaFontaine,” Laura said.

 

“Hey, grumpy cat,” nicknames that LaF give me every time, killing everything good in me.

 

“Yeah.”

  
  
“What? Bad mood?”

 

“It was good until the moment when I came here,” I turn my head. And Laura looks at me, not taking off her eyes. And I’m lost.

 

“See, your friends are not very happy that you're sitting here,” LaF said.

 

“Yes, Will is always in a bad mood,” Laura tells to them, but still looking at me.

 

“Will is your boyfriend?” I asked. Words broke out of my mouth faster than I could comprehend it.

  
  
“What? No,” Laura laughed, and I was relieved breath. “He's just a friend.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He was too conceited, proud, cocky and self-assured. I don’t like,” it seems to me that I don’t believe my luck. I don’t have all of these qualities. “And even more, he has a big disadvantage. He's a boy.”

 

“So, do you like girls?” LaF looked at me.

 

“Yes,” Laura looks at me and smiles. “And I like Danny Lawrence a little bit,” she said, turning away from me to the LaF. Yes. What did you expect, Karnstein?

 

“Are you dating?” LaF asked. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut up!

  
“No, but she insists. Just, yeah, I like it, but I feel that this is not mine,” Laura shrugs.

 

“And do you like someone?” Laura turns back to me with interest and curiosity in her eyes. Fucking shit. No. You should not ask me such questions.

 

LaF looked at me with fear in their eyes. Well, what does she want from me? So I blurted it right here, in love with her. Just this love will never be mutual. This unrequited love has taken away my soul. This love is killing me, because I’m weak and pathetic nature. After all, I can see that Laura is just trying to adjust with me a normal human contact, but I'm given and kicking. Until then it’s difficult to love. Heart shakes in convulsions.

 

“No, I don’t like anybody. People annoy me,” I throw, turning away to the window. Pause. Deathly protracted pause.

 

“So, don’t you like me too?” Laura asked, and immediately turned to her, noticing how LaF eyebrows went up and they immediately put in-ear earphones.

 

“What?”

  
  
“Don’t you like me too? You just said that people annoy you. So, I annoy you? So you spoke with me earlier only out of courtesy?”

 

“I have no concept of courtesy,” I say. Damn, I could never watch my language.

 

“Just fine. Then it turns out that you're even worse than Will,” Laura finishes instantly. I'm confused trying to say something, but I didn’t, so I just open and close my mouth, looking at how Laura turns away from me.

 

“Hello, students,” the lecturer came into the auditorium, “let's quickly move on,” and he starts something and say something, but I didn’t listen to, because I heard only noise. He continued to talk, talk, and I look at Laura, who writes something in a notebook. I pulled out a piece of paper from a notebook and I wrote on it the words, which I hope will placate Laura a little. This is my first recognition of my love for her. On torn, crumpled piece of paper with illegible handwriting and clumsy.

 

_"I can’t not like human who loves chocolate cupcakes as much as I love them."_

 

I give to her the paper and I realize that this is my little recognition of my love for her. It’s a declaration of love, as an admission of guilt. Laura removes the hair from the face and her face turns to me. Laura smiles I smiled at her awkwardly, and Laura looked down, smiling. Smile. Wonderful smile. Affectionate.

 

“You smiled,” she whispers to me, leaning toward me.

 

“And what?”

 

“The first smile since our first meet,” Laura props her face, and becomes so sweet, that I can’t keep my mouth under control. “I like that.”

 

And my heart broke flutter of butterflies on the chest, spreading their wings fragments in the blood.

 

Lunch break was the real test for my nervous system, patience and calm. I never ate in the dining hell. I don’t eat, and I will not. Although, I was already stalking doubt that Laura somehow still make me something to eat.

 

“It’s Carmilla,” Laura introduced me to her friends. LaF sat at the table. Clear.

 

“Kirsch,” and he stretches out his hand to me, and I gathered with the spirit, yet a little shake of his big hand. Laura looks at me.

 

“Will,” he looks at me indifferently, twisting his lips.

 

“Lola,” she friendly smiles at me, nodding her head. Compassion is a word that can be found in dictionaries, but rarely in human souls. At Laura, Lola, and to my surprise, Kirsch to complete. I sit down. Laura sits down next to me. Again too close.

 

All of them took trays of food, except for me. Yes. I’m not a fan of the food. Fortunately or unfortunately. Laura gave me an apple. I looked at her strangely.

 

“Take it,” I open palm, and Laura puts an apple so as not to come into contact with my skin.

 

“The cultural studies are so boring,” Kirsch puts a tomato in his mouth, continuing to talk, “I don’t understand why we need this shit?”

 

“Because we need it,” Lola replied calmly, taking a sip of soda.

 

  
“And maybe you’re right,” Kirsch agrees with her.

 

  
“Why I have not seen you before?” Will asks me while I'm trying to bite the apple.

 

“Will. It’s impolite,” Laura seriously looking at her friend, who just pathetic sighs.

 

  
“This is normal. Who is she? I don’t see you at our faculty.”

 

  
“You're just inconsiderate,” I say. Yes. You're too busy with yourself.

 

  
“I was thinking ...”

 

“Charming occupation, Will. Don’t bother about this in the future,” I interrupt him, being ironic. And perhaps it’s even sarcasm. Laura laughed. Will frowned like a child.

 

  
“Don't say that, kitty.”

 

  
“Will, stop acting like a last asshole in the world,” yes, this role is already occupied by Kirsch. I bit off a piece of apple.

 

  
At the end of twenty minutes, guys began to gather in the next lesson, dining emptied. I stood up, but Laura stopped me, grabbing my sleeve.

 

  
“We’re going to the library.”

 

“You don’t go to sociology?” Lola stares at Hollis.

 

“No, I have already agreed with the professor,” Lola waved to us; LaF crossed her fingers and wished me luck. Kirsch said goodbye, and this asshole just walked into the sunset.

 

“Library ...”

 

“Don't worry, we’re going to the café,” Laura stands up in front of me. My eyebrows went up.

 

“To the café?”

 

“I took to myself only a salad and an apple that you, thank God, ate. I don’t like food here, so, I want us to going and eating ...”

  
  
“Cupcakes?”

 

“Why not?” Lora grabs my sleeve and drags me behind her. I feel like a little child. Yes, but she became like a mother who is afraid of losing her careless child. We arrived at the same cafe, sat at the same table. Laura made the same order like in that time.

 

“Sorry for Will, he's just, well, you know ...”

 

“Why are you apologizing for everyone? Yesterday, Danny. For Willyboy today,” and I stopped. Shit. His nickname escaped from my mouth faster than he would have something thought and said.

 

“Willyboy?” Laura laughed. “Willyboy. You came up …?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I like it,” the waiter brings us an order, and I take one of the cupcakes, biting off a bit. “Today you're more alive ... or something.”

 

“I'm just in a good mood,” I shrug, sipping tea. Your presence makes the tea taste better. I just smile. I never thought that such a small dream can become a reality.

 

“By the way, if you don’t mind, I propose to meet at the weekend to have to start doing our job.”

  
  
“Okay, I don’t mind.”

 

“In my house,” I choked on my tea. Laura quickly handed me a napkin. For such a meeting, I was not ready. No, no, no.

 

“Oh ... And maybe neutral territory?” Gods, Carmilla, what are you talking about? The girl of your dreams invites you to her house, and you're talking shit.

 

“It's the problem?” Laura mended.

 

“Oh, no...”

 

“Then fine,” Laura begins to quickly gather her things, leaving the money, “I'll write you tonight,” and, she almost runs, leaving the café.

 

“Bye ...”


	5. Chapter 5

The weekend is the most important of the week. But not for me. Usually I quietly lie on my bed at the weekend, leaving only when I want to the toilet or to eat. Today, my day consists of a few things. My schedule for today is full day restraining myself in my hands of a small bias in self-flagellation.

 

All week, Laura sat with me at all lessons and tried to show me at least some signs of human communication. With some difficulty, but I’m, nevertheless, succeeded. Lola Perry, to my pleasant surprise, quickly became friends with LaF. I'm looking forward to the weekend, like a breath of fresh air after the stale air from the room. Laura asked me that if I remembered that we were going to meet at the weekend. I mumbled something like “yes”. Yes. Definitely, I'm happy.

 

Now lying in bed, I remembered how all the time Will looked at me. Jealousy, hatred and envy. In my heart I smiled. Danny Lawrence disappeared from my field of vision, because for all these days, I never saw her. My phone vibrated in my hands, and I almost dropped phone on my face.

  
  
**Laura:** _Hi! :) I'm waiting for you!_

 

I went downstairs, found my mother, sitting on the couch and drinking coffee. She stared at the TV.

 

“Do you have plans for the weekend?” mother looked me up and down. Well, it’s not plans ...

 

“Well, yes...”

 

“And where are you going so early?”

 

“It’s eleven o'clock in the morning.”

 

“It doesn’t change my question,” she snorts. “Where are you going?”

 

“Philosophy,” I sat on the couch.

 

“Oh,” my mother grins and I frown, “so Laura invited you to her home?”

 

I was confused.

 

“Well, I was invited. What's the big deal?”

 

“Well,” she laughs, and I was even more embarrassed. If my mother was thinking the same thing about what I think, it's a little embarrassing.

 

“Nothing ...”

 

“Of Course...” mother conciliatory raises her hands, grinning, “but given the fact that you are eighteen, and the fact that at this age the hormones acting up well, demanding their own, then ... The conclusion follows of itself.”

 

My jaw opened by itself. Mom laughed out loud.

 

“All right, go,” she continues to laugh, and I utterly embarrassed, slipped into the hall. As always I sat on the bike and I rolled toward the house of Laura. To say that her house was far away from mine it’s to say nothing. Go there at least half an hour, if not more. I think it's worth it. Moreover, I love to ride a bike. For me it's a meditation. I go through the streets, looking at the trees. Among the trees are always good, as opposed to people.

 

After a long time, I drove up to the house of Laura. I went to the door, but then I stood in front of the door. Fuck. I must knock. Damn! Karnstein! I put my hand to the door, and clenched fist, knocked, immediately taking my hand in the pocket. A few seconds later the door is opened. Laura is standing at me in the baggy trousers, a checked shirt for a couple of sizes larger. Her hair was collected in a ponytail, making her even cuter.

 

“Hello!” she smiles, stepping aside to let me come in, and closing the door. “Today's cold, and you're in a leather jacket. You'll catch cold!”

 

“No.” The smell. This is smell of her. This fragrance has credibility. I'm in love with her smell. The credibility of the fragrance is irrefutable. The smell filled my lungs. The smell can’t be described.

 

“Yes,” she pouts like a little child, “it’s too cold outside! You are necessary to dress warmly! Where do looking at your parents?”

 

Anywhere. That's obvious. Moreover, I was not cold.

 

“My mother doesn’t care.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just like that,” I shrug, taking off my jacket. Laura takes it in her hands, hanging on a hook, looking at me in bewilderment.

 

“You have a strange relationship with your mother.”

 

“Why strange?” I asked with annoyance. Yes. They are not perfect, but should not be. “I love her, but she irritates me, and I think I did too.”

 

Laura was silent. I was silent too. We are standing in the hall.

 

“Well ... You're alone here?” my voice sounds muffled.

 

“Yes,” Laura smiles sheepishly. “Dad left for the trip. I miss him. He is rarely at home.

 

Fuck. If my mother was right, it will be ... gods. Yes. Laura talked about her father. Can I miss the about something what never happened?

 

“Do you want some tea?” Laura looks at me. I nodded. Laura takes me by the sleeve. I don’t know why, but that her gesture I really like. Going into the kitchen, I stared in horror at the piles of books that have been where possible.

 

“You robbed library?”

 

“What?” Laura laughs, “no. Simply, I thought that we need more books ...”

  
“You need to think less clearly. Or you think in the wrong ways,” I said.

 

“I don’t think in the wrong way,” she said. “Do you want to work on a perfect score?”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“Again?” she turns to me, trying to see something on my face, but with a sigh, purses her lips.

  
  
“What do you think about?”

 

I’m silent to wonder about her question. Is it possible to ask a person about what person was thinking? This question can’t be answered. I always think a lot all at once. Everything moves.

  
  
“It’s not your business.”

 

“Don’t you want to trust me a couple of your thoughts?” Laura looks at me.

 

“Not really.”

 

“You know, my experience shows that if you trust people, they trust you!”

 

“You're always familiar with the people?” I ask her a question. I sit down at the table, pushing the book so that I can even put my hands on the table. I looked at Laura, more precisely for her ass. Laura turns around and puts a cup in front of me, sitting beside me. Fucking awkwardness. I take a cup in my hands and sip from it. Today is obviously my day. We drink tea in her kitchen. She starts to talk about something. My love made me madly. I intently look at the movement of her lips. I want to kiss her once ... My feelings are always at maximum with her. Feelings, emotions, sensations ... But, unfortunately, I don’t have any rights for her. But I have the right to feel ... Only one feeling I didn’t get used to the feeling ... that you'll never be mine.

 

“Do you like theaters?” what? Theatres? What does the theaters? She talked about theaters? Damn, Karnstein!

 

“I’ve never been in theaters,” I said. “But I always liked the idea of theaters.”

 

“But you’ve never seen any performance?”

 

“No.”

  
  
“Why?” she asks.

 

“I’m not interesting.”

 

After a short conversation about theaters, we do philosophy. Damn this philosophy! This philosophy eats me alive. I looked at Laura. She looked like she was trying to focus to find information, while sticking her tongue out. I need to escape from the house.

 

I don’t know how much time passed, but I woke up from the books only when I heard the doorbell. Quickly looking at Laura, who obviously was not expecting guests. She quickly stood up and ran to the door. The door opened.

 

“What are you doing here, Danny?” my forehead met with the table. Damn you, red-haired! Someone calm the storm in me. What is she doing here?

 

  
“I was going out of town for the weekend to write the work in biology, and I thought ... see how are you.” Burn in hell.

 

  
“What you want is not just to write, right?” I laughed. Sarcasm Laura was pertinent as ever.

  
  
“Well ... I'm just worried about you,” yes. Of course. You want to fuck Laura.

 

  
“You’re good,” Laura said, making me roll my eyes.

 

  
“Well, but in general I have come with non-empty hands,” there was a rustle, “and I came to ask you out on a date with me.

 

My muscles tensed in an instant. I have to make an effort to control myself. I wanted to take and throw the book into something. Again the dull ache is in my heart. I imagine all the sides of the heart scatter tiny cracks throughout the body. In the body, hands and feet, the face. One good shake and I will scatter to the bizarre, razor-sharp shards. I was again unruffled, as it could mean anything from boredom to total furious rabies. In the end, because of jealousy is not nothing but a desire that someone belonged to you alone. I closed my eyes, and my thought was that the world didn’t explode on the outside and inside of me, and even though the consequences of the explosion were catastrophic, the size of it was quite small.

 

“On a date? You're a little out of season,” Laura muffled revoked.

 

“You're not alone?” a voice, followed by steps. Why is it so painful? Because I sit and think about kissing, which we never had, about the words that I'll never tell. Silly, is not it? Sit and think about what will never be.

 

“Karnstein?” surprised exclamations made me put my head from the table and look at redhead. She frowned.

 

“Lawrence,” I replied.

 

“And what is she doing here?” Most importantly it’s not to respond on provocation.

 

“Danny! Stop it!” Laura grabbed her hand, trying to pull back into the hall, but she was like a rock.

  
  
“Oh, come on,” Lawrence said. I gritted my teeth.

 

“Danny, you'd better go. Now,” for the first time I heard such a tone of Laura.

 

“I can help you to do philosophy. And then, I look Karnstein not very happy to be here.”

 

“Danny!” Laura raised her voice. “Enough! Get away! We'll talk then.”

 

“Okay,” Lawrence disparagingly looked me, “bye, Karnstein,” she gave me her hand to shake. I ignored it. Snorting, she is gone. Wonderful weekend.

 

“I really don’t know why she came. Sorry.”

 

“Don't you know why? She wanted to ask you out on a date,” I shrug.

 

“Yes, I know ...”

 

“Okay, I think I better go,” I stand up from the chair and I try to go into the hall, but again, Laura blocked my way.

 

“Stay. It's evening. Do you want to have dinner?” I sigh, silently agreeing. When you eat with someone food is much tastier than when you eat alone. Probably.

 

I want to say something, but the words come out only some wrong. Or nothing at all comes out. Or just not something I say or do something contrary. And I’m trying to get better, even more confusing, leaving aside, and then I can’t understand that at first wanted to say. Laura pulled out something in containers from the refrigerator to reheat.

 

“Would you like some tea?” she asks.

 

“Tea ... all we do here that we drink tea. Amazed, we have not drownedin it,” I sigh. And in general, if I don’t like tea, I would not really have any skills.

 

We had dinner in silence among the books and bloody tea. We were silent. What was happening to me today would be called a romantic melodrama, and the cynic tragedy.

 

“I have to go,” I want to stand up, but Laura grabbed me by the shirt.

 

“It’s late. Something can happen with you!”

 

“Nothing happened to me.”

 

“You can stay for the night,” yeah, damn you, Hollis! Now, looking at her, I can feel my heart. My heart beats so hard.

 

“Not a good idea.”

 

“I don’t want that something happened with you.”

 

“Well, okay ...” I'm trying to look calmly, but inside me all flipped. “Then I can lie on the couch?”

  
  
“No, you lie down in my room. I have a big bed, plenty of space to both of us,” oh, no!

 

“Well…”

 

“Stop talking. Please wash the dishes, while I'll find you a T-shirt,” and she is gone. I'm not ready for that morally or physically. Oh, shit. I reluctantly stood up and I began to wash the dishes. I. In. The bed. With. Laura. Yeah. I can’t even call my mother, because she had the night shift. Put the plates, I went into the room, waiting for the appearance of Laura, who is a couple of minutes to come down.

 

“Come with me,” Laura again the sleeve of my shirt, dragging me up. Standing up and going to the room, I appreciated all the comfort and spaciousness of it. And a large bed. Fuck ...

 

“I will be back soon. You can go to sleep. If you want to, of course,” she smiled awkwardly, giving me a T-shirt, “I just go to bed early and ...”

 

“Me too,” I smiled; and Laura went out, closing the door behind her. Gods give me strength and patience. Quickly removing my shirt and jeans, I wore the dimensionless shirt. Excellent. I'll lie in bed with Laura in underwear and a T-shirt. Great. Hopefully it’s not under a one blanket. Hell, under one.

 

  
What could I do? I lied on the bed. My heart is beating so fast. I don’t know how much time passed, but I still lay quietly when the door is opened and the lights went out. I saw that Laura dresses up. Mother of God ... She is better than I imagined, and I represent she is perfect. Laura took off her shirt and threw on a chair. I can see her bare back. And her gorgeous ass in shorts. Almost naked Laura stood in front of me. This is the best weekend of my life. Laura wore a T-shirt. Knowing that Laura will lie next to me only in a T-shirt, under which there will nothing ... Calm down, Karnstein.

 

I immediately closed my eyes when I saw that Laura was going to turn around. I heard footsteps, felt a bent bed. Laura tried to lie down comfortably, not touching me. Good night. Dream about me, okay?

 

“Goodnight,” she whispered. I lied on my back. Well, try to sleep, Carmilla.

 

After futile attempts to sleep, I decided not to torture myself and opened my eyes. Laura lied on her side, facing in my side. I sighed.

 

“Sleep?” there was her voice, which I scared.

 

“No,” I close my eyes.

 

“And why you closed your eyes?” Laura moves, and I opened my eyes. I see that she lay close to me. No, no, no!

 

“I struggle against the external imperfections of reality.”

 

“And how?”

 

“Nothing,” I answered, turning my head to her. My eyes have become accustomed to the dark, so I could clearly see Laura. My God, how beautiful she is ... Carelessness and a small smile on her face, eyes that look at me with her interest. I froze. I think my heart is ready to break my ribs and sacrificially to fall on her palm.

 

  
And then, Laura pulls her hand from under the blanket, and put her hand on mine ... Her touch was exactly what was to be her touch. Exciting. I swallowed, looking at her face. She looks at my palm. Laura leads her index finger of my cold hand. I'm going to die. I can’t take back my hand like if I grabbed a live wire and I can’t be disengaged from it.

 

  
“Why don’t you love that someone touches you?” she continues take my hand. Because her touch has had a one affect that I expected.

 

“I don’t like it ...” her skin was incredibly hot.

  
“I wonder what monsters see in their nightmares?” she wondered irrelevantly. I try to focus on, but it’s impossible.

 

“Probably, people,” I say. A few minutes we spend in silence. I could hear only my breathing from the fact that Laura continued stroking my arm.

 

“Have you ever kissed?” what? She is seriously asking me about it, when we lie with her in the bed?

 

“Yeah,” yes. It was. It was disgusting, but it was. With some girl in the club. I remember the girl who tried to get her fucking tongue in my mouth. At that time, I found it terrible. Well, yes. I was fifteen.

 

“I’m never ...” I see her smile, and I swear, I could see her blush. So, stop ... She never kissed? Lord, it's perfect. So, wait a second ... Laura is virgin ... Oh. I swallowed.

 

“Didn’t you kiss with Danny?”

 

“She tried to kiss me, but I don’t want to give my first kiss to her ...”

 

“Why?”

  
  
“It seems to me my first kiss with her wills not the way I imagine.”

 

“Don’t you want to kiss me?” my eyes widen. Oh ... She asked me to take her first kiss? Is she crazy?

 

“I want to,” this breaks from my lips before I have time to think about the answer, and Laura immediately puts her eyes on my face, with her hot hand grabbing my wrist.

 

“Then why don’t you kiss me?” I think I'm going to die.

 

“Because I don’t know if you want this,” that’s right, Karnstein. Laura doesn’t have to give her first kiss to you.

 

“Why do I not want to kiss you?” I think because it’s a strange situation that is happening in her house, in her room, in her bed ... We're not even friends just to kiss ...

 

“Well ... because we're very different,” I say, trying to look on the wall.

 

“Ooohh ... So if we will kiss, it would be wrong?” this is fucking right! For me. Only for me. For her it is wrong.

 

“Not really...”

 

“Well, what's the big deal? I want to kiss you. We're ordinary and normal people ...”

 

“I’m not normal ...”

 

Laura pressed her lips to my lips. I look at her face and I can’t believe that this is happening. Her eyes are closed. Mine no. Because I don’t want them to close, because I'm afraid that if this is not true. One kiss may be different. Gentle, slow and sensual. Overbearing, swift and stinging, consisting of hundreds of quick kisses. It may be almost continuous; addictive ... A kiss can be affectionate and careful. It may be a deep, all-consuming and maddening. A kiss can take heart. A kiss can be a wake-up something hidden, lurking, something that was forbidden. That was our kiss so accommodating in all kinds of insanity.

 

“Shit! Damn, shit, fuck!” looking up from her lips, I said.

 

“Yes, I liked it ...” she smiles and starts to laugh.

 

“It's not funny!” I sat on the bed.

 

“I know ...” she whispers in a fit of laughter.

 

“This is not funny ...”


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing I was amazed, waking up, that when I realized it was something that Laura tightly held my hand. I looked at her and I could not understand what had happened. But, remembering what happened before go to bed, kiss, innocent laughter of Laura and my own concern with blunt romantic thrill, and it seemed strange from me comes the smell of something unknown to me happiness. I think I just can’t sleep without her. And this’s the most worthless thing I saw in the morning. But now ... This beautiful girl is the personification absolutely perfect lies next to me for my joyless heart.

 

I tried to free my arm, but Laura woke up reluctantly and she opened her eyes, looking at me. There was silence in the room for a moment. Bewilderment probably reflected on my face. Laura smiled softly. I swallowed. The blanket slipped away and her shirt rode up, revealing view of her stomach and underwear. And, hell ...

 

“Well,” yes, I behave more stupidly.

 

“How did you sleep?” Laura sat on the bed, turning her back to me, stretching. Lord, I need the pills to heart.

 

“Well.”

 

“Me too,” she smiled at me over her shoulder, standing up. Lord ... Her gorgeous ass made me swallow. Hollis, get dressed, and ... Laura turns to me and I sigh loudly. Laura smiles. No, no ...

 

“Do you like it?” I blinked.

 

“What?”

 

“This.”

  
  
“What this?” I don’t understand.

 

“View,” my eyes went widen with shock. Is she serious? Laura giggled. “I'll go prepare breakfast.”

 

Laura is not dressed, going downstairs. She made fun of me? Sighing, I got out of bed, going to the chair, changing clothes in mine. Downstairs, I found Laura, standing with her back to me, and cooking something. I swallowed.

 

“Do you want toasts? Or the omelet with ham? Pancakes?”

 

“Tea.”

  
  
“Only tea?” Laura turned face to me, but I don’t look on her face, because my eyes slide down on her underwear and bare foot. It's time to stop.

 

“Tea. And I'm going to home ...”

 

“Okay ...”

 

Laura leaned back against the table, looking at me, and I looked down.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

  
“What you were against it?” Laura asks.

 

  
“And you asked permission?”

 

  
“What you were against it?” Laura asks again and I have to raise my head to look at her. Because some of the questions there is no answer.

 

  
“I ... just ...”

 

  
“What?” Laura folded her arms, looking at me seriously.

 

  
“Why?”

  
  
“Because I wanted to kiss you.”

 

“Why me?”

 

“Because I wanted to kiss YOU,” Laura took a couple of steps toward me, stopping a foot away from me.

 

“We have to stop seeingeach other,” I get nervous, and I want to turn around to leave.

 

“No,” Laura grabs me by the arm, stopping. “This is like to stop breathing.”

 

I pull out of her hand, and, without saying a word, went in the hall, grabbing my leather jacket and leaving the house. Another minute and I would have fallen at her feet ...

 

I unhook my bike. Laura, what the hell is going on? Why did she kiss me? Why did she say last words? Damn, fuck, shit! I could kill myself right now, just turning on the roadway, put an end to my miserable existence, doesn’t offer anything other than absurd suffering and humiliation. If nothing comes out, I'm not upset. Although I just wanted to die! This is an unhealthy, morbid desire. Maybe everything what happened was just a bad dream?

 

The last thing I don’t want to come back to home. I quickly ride without noticing irregularities in the road. And it leaves me sideways, almost at the house when I fall on face forward, but some incredible way, manages to fall on my back, clutching my pants for bicycle chain. Fuck, Karnstein ... This is the best morning in your life.

 

I lay on my back, feeling the cold asphalt. Laura was right; it's time to wear something warmer. It began to rain. Winner of life lies on the asphalt. I tried to stand up, but it turned out to be quite problematic, given the fact that I immediately got sick in my back. And I can’t step on the left foot. Fuck, perfect ...

 

I opened the door. There was no one. It was perfect. I crawled to the couch, falling on my back, immediately wincing in pain. Or ... My life is ... Look, I even fell off the bike ... For my life I would not give a penny. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep ...

 

I woke up from that someone is shaking my hand. Opening my eyes, I saw mother's face.

 

“What happened? Why are you covered in dirt?” a lot of questions. I tried to sit up, but winced in pain and fell back. “You got a pain in the back?”

 

“I fell from my bicycle. On the back. And I have pain in foot.”

 

“God ...” mother quickly went to the kitchen and returned with a pair of scissors, sitting on the edge of the sofa and cutting jeans. Mother started to press on my foot, and I hissed. After some manipulations with my foot, the mother issued a verdict.

 

“Thanks God, it's just a strong bruise. It's okay. I think that your back is the same. Let me see.”

 

“No, it’s not necessary. Everything will pass. Only foot ...”

 

“Now I'm going to give you a pill,” mother jumped off the couch, and a couple of seconds she was back with ointment, pills, towel and bottle of water. Opening the jar, she gently starts to put this thing on my skin.

 

“If I’m not here in the world how much garbage in the world diminished, huh?” I asked with a laugh. The mother immediately stops to rub ointment into my leg.

 

“Never dare to say it,” her voice becomes a formidable and serious. “I need you. And ended conversation.”

  
  
“And she needs me, what do you think?” mom looks at me, wiping her hands on a towel.

 

“How much do you like her?” mom asked me and I was just thrown into anger.

 

“How do I know?! I will use ruler? Or put a sense of my love on the scales?”

 

“If she needs you, then everything will be,” my mother gave me pills and water. Reluctantly, I drink this poison. “Go to sleep here. And stay at home tomorrow.” I’m covered with a blanket. I looked at the clock, which showed half past ten in the evening. I pulled the phone out of the pocket of my pants. No message, no calls ... Damn. And what I wanted?

 

Waking up in the morning, I found breakfast on the table. After checking the phone, I again found nothing. Fuck. So, in silence, with my bruised leg and back, I stayed five days. All these days I checked my phone. It's nothing. Absolutely. Honestly, I wanted to write something to her.

  
  
After lying on the couch still the weekend, and got nothing from Laura, I gathered the courage to patch up the pace for this time; I arrived to Silas on the public transport. Of course, I'm late. I went up the stairs. On my way I met LaF.

 

“Laboratory mushrooms! Karnstein, what's wrong?”

 

“I fell from bicycle.”

 

“Damn! It hurts! How do you?” scratching their red hair, they asked.

 

“This had been worse.”

 

“I’m in a crap too,” damn, I didn’t ask how they were doing, “And how are you and Laura?”

 

  
“Nothing. Let's go to the class.”

 

“Classes were canceled. Everyone is gone, except Laura,” LaF waved to me, I retire. I sighed and trudged to Laura and I might ask for forgiveness ... But my words of forgiveness stuck in my throat when going to the half-open door, I heard the voice of the red-haired and Laura, who laughed at her words. Leaning against the wall of the ledge, I looked through the crack at them. They’re happy.

 

“Let's go to the best café,” Lawrence hugs Laura's shoulders, and I want to howl. What the hell did you kiss me if you stand right now in the arms of Danny?

 

“Okay, I agree,” I hit my head against the wall. Damn, fuck, shit ...

 

“To my house ...”

 

“Oh!” they both laugh, and I feel bad. I feel bad and I want to cry out loud. I tried to stifle a cry of helplessness. What kind of crap is in my life? Laura's dream about me is only my foolish dreams. There is only me in my world.

 

Turning and closing the door quietly, I went to the street. On the street is terribly cold and pouring rain. I hide my hands in my pockets; I rise above the collar of my coat, sitting on a soaked bench. The pain on the nerves hit in the head. It's time to shout and cry out loud. Fight with stupid hysterical tears like the last idiot. Yeah, unfortunately, I didn’t wait for any response. I wanted to cry, but I changed my mind. Probably, because then, as a child, age seven or eight, I knew that nobody needs see it.

 

A cold wind is howling furiously and angrily. The sky was covered with dark gray clouds. I lowered my eyes down. Breathing becomes harder, something ached inside and didn’t give a deep breath. Thunder ... Suddenly, the rain had stopped dripping, and I looked up, I saw an umbrella.

  
  
“I knew that you do this,” I pronounce quietly.

 

“Where?” Laura voice was quite.

 

“You pay attention to me only when I’m hurt,” I say. Laura was silent, looking at me and smiling.

  
  
“Tomorrow is promised good weather,” her smile becomes wider like if nothing between us has not happened.

 

“And you believe?”

 

“Well, you have to believe in something good,” she laughs. “Sorry, I like a brake today.”

 

“Girls who in love are always slow down,” I say to her, looking ahead.

 

“And you? Do you in love?” Laura asked, putting her hand on my knee. Through the wet jeans, her hand feels hot.

 

“Maybe,” I said, finally turning my head to her. She smiles. I don’t want you to play me. I’m a living human. If you hurt me, I will be hurt. I just want to love you. But we have to love and hate.

 

“You are brake,” she laughs, wrinkling her nose. Idiot. Lack is a feeling that can destroy everything. It eats you up inside, turned inside out and breaks the heart. And the most painful is that even a broken heart continues to beat. What the hell, Laura? Why Danny?

 

“I'll go,” I stood up, trying not to touch the umbrella, and I made a couple of steps when Laura grabs my sleeve.

 

“What happened with your leg?” she asked anxiously, looking at me.

 

“I fell from bicycle.”

 

“When?”

  
  
“In Sunday,” Laura exhales loudly and frantically. Fuck. I had to be silent.

 

“Sorry,” Laura quickly kissed me on the cheek, running away from me. I’m standing for another five minutes. I see something like a diary on the bench. Damn, Laura has left her thing! Limped to the bench, I take diary, stuffing it under the coat.

 

After a couple of hours, I went home, and undressed, leaving diary on the table. I go to sleep. I woke up in the evening. The time was five minutes to ten. Excellent. I bet that Laura didn’t write me. Phone lit, letting the message. I reached for the phone, immediately dropping phome on the floor.

  
  
**Laura** _: I masturbate in the shower right no. For today is the best thing what happened to me during the day._

 

I froze. What? What did I just read? Laura ... mastur …? Immediately phone lit up, letting yet another message. I picked up the phone on the floor.

 

 **Laura:** _LORD GLARIOSY! CARMILLA! DO NOT READ THE MESSAGE. I BEG YOU. DELETE IT WITH THE CLOSED EYES._

 

And how does she expect me to delete it? Fuck, Hollis! You're killing me! The phone rang in my hands and I dropped the phone. Shit! Laura is calling. I panic. Picking up the phone, I answer.

 

“Yes,” I hope my voice doesn’t tremble.

 

“Carmilla ... The message … you deleted it?” her voice is trembling.

 

“You're about a message with a shower ...” I hit my hand on the forehead. Idiot! Shut up.

 

“It’s …”

 

“... the message was not for me?” I finish the sentence for her.

 

“Not Exactly ...” what? It was addressed to me ... ? “It was a message for you, but I was not planning to send it, because knowing your mind, you could react properly ...” she finished our conversation. Then the phone vibrate.

 

 **Laura:** _And if you did, though, grabbed my diary, please read it._

 

The diary? Her diary? What is ... God, in whom I love ... I grabbed her diary, frantically opening the first page.

 

**_This is the story of my love. With the hope that the girl named Carmilla not read and did not reproach me for this that I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her. I see her everywhere. I don’t know why I should write here about my unrequited love, but to tell the truth, I have never had a chance even to myself to ask the question: "Why do I like this girl?" It was love at first sight when she just looked at me, without waiting for a response ... Each time we met, my heart quickened beating, and even now, when she is not even close to me when I write these._ **

  
  
As soon as she saw me? It turns out ... God. Laura fell in love with me the first day, as soon as she saw me. Just like me. The whole year ...

 

  
**_I hate myself for being unbearably miss her, even though we never crossed, because I'm just afraid to come to her._**

 

  
I want to hit my ailing foot something heavy to howl in pain.

 

  
**_... But be that as it may, I'm in love with her ..._**

 

  
Love me. I momentarily stick my nose in the pages of the diary, inhaling the smell of these words.

 

**_I feel a little awkward. I have not felt such a feeling ever before. Her movements, her beautiful hands, her eyes covered with fringe - all this excites me._ **

 

I smiled.

 

**_Danny Lawrence. My God, she’s such a good person, but unfortunately, she’s not Carmilla Karnstein._ **

 

This is better than “I love you.”

 

**_Carmilla smiled today. God, I was speechless. I would have done anything for the sake of that smile._ **

****_  
_  
And I smile.

 

**_Carmilla Karnstein. It seemed her aura, while attractive and inaccessible. The attraction is of more than inaccessible. Not only is beautiful to indecency and gets up strange things, so she didn’t even notice!_ **

 

Attractive? For you? It’s unthinkable!

 

**_I asked her to stay for the night. In her eyes I saw she didn’t want to stay, but I was able to persuade her. We slept in the same bed. It was a wonderful night. We kissed. Kissed. She has so hot and delicious lips. Delicious ... Hollis, that kind of nonsense? But it’s not nonsense. They are really delicious. I would like to kiss them again. And yet, and yet ... The infinite number of times. After the kiss, Carmilla was acting strange, but it was cute. After a few minutes, probably on emotion, she fell asleep. I lay close to her, touching her hand. Her breathing quickened, but she didn’t wake up. I snuggled closer, burying my nose in her shoulder, inhaling her smell. It's as strange as she was. I like that._ **

 

I sighed. Oh, so it was especially ...

 

**_At five o'clock in the morning, on Wednesday, I woke up, got out of a warm and cozy bed, and I so wanted to write to her, "Now I'll die without your presence." But I changed my mind._ **

 

Well, why have not you written?

 

**_Eventually, I began to think that loneliness it's just her illness. Maybe innate. Like cerebral palsy. Or heart disease. My God, what kind of thoughts? She’s just all alone ... and it’s wrong!_ **

 

My lips trembled, betraying my true condition. I constantly had to bite my lip to stop trembling. Running my hand through my hair. Laura is only one who doesn’t care about my oddities which happen to me. I need her ... I'm confused. I'm afraid the relationships. She’s not the kind of person I imagined. Another real ... I press my lips to the pages of the diary. I clench her diary in hand, quickly putting my phone in my jeans, and as soon as I can with my foot went down.

  
  
“Where are you going?” my mother yelled when I was in the hall to put on my coat.

 

“Save our lives,” I shut the door. I go in the direction of bus stop, hoping that the last bus hasn’t left. And bus hasn’t left. I have time. For twenty minutes, I firmly gripped Laura's diary in my hand. Approaching the door, I sighed, closing my eyes and I knocked on the door.

 

“How long ...” Laura opens the door, looking at me with wonder and hope. She is wearing shorts and t-shirt standing on the doorstep.

 

“Come later, when you will be in a good mood?” sarcastic joke flies out of me faster than I have time to think and to shut my mouth. I squeeze her diary. Laura looked down, staring at him. She smiled.

 

“I'm not normal. Why are you still like me?” I ask.

 

“Because you're not normal as I am,” Laura takes my hand, weaving our fingers. Her diary falls from my hand. I reached for her, and she threw herself on my neck. We squeezed each other's arms. I wanted to say something, but could not utter a word.

 

“Just difficult to understand the reality of the situation for me. That you're here. That it’s real. It's incredible,” Laura nuzzled my shoulder, taking a deep breath.

 

“How did you know ...”

 

“When I saw you, I thought that strange girl will be mine, this girl and I will love each other ...”

 

“What if you stop love me?” I ask anxiously.

 

“No. That will never happen. I promise you,” Laura kisses me on the cheek, hugging me. And I don’t feel disgust. Is this happiness?


	7. Chapter 7

We were so close to her home. Laura hugged me, her nose buried in my shoulder and I stroked her hair, inhaling her smell. I was hurt by the fact that it really happened. Now. At this moment of time.

 

“I felt so relieved when you hold me in your arms,” Laura pressed against me, although there's nowhere closer. My shyness evaporated.

 

“You’re freeze,” I quietly utter. I feel like she smiles at me, hiding a smile on my shoulder. “I don’t want you to be cold.”

 

Laura raises her head, meeting my eyes. She smiles at me. I smiled awkwardly. Her lips touch mine. Soft and gentle. I didn’t close my eyes, looking at her face. Her eyelashes were trembling, though, we have not even kissed. We just touched our lips. Yes. I was afraid to kiss her. Truly.

 

“I kissed you,” Laura whispered.

 

“I know,” I mutter. Laura pulls me by my sleeve inside the house. Her diary left lying on the pavement. Laura closes the door, I leaned toward her. I raise my head, sighing, hearing Laura laughs.

 

“Kiss, in fact, is one more kiss?” she whispers, bites her lip. I touch her lips the same way like it has done recently. I kissed her smile. Our kisses are like kisses of children are five years old, who don’t know how to spend time in kindergarten in a quiet hour.

  
“It’s worth.” Laura’s index finger takes my little finger, and we go up to her room. I was shaking. Lord, is this reality? Love is the best intoxication, which can only be madness in the pathological sense of divine madness, bestowing wings physicality. Love is when you are afraid to touch her, but the heart, the soul weary of lack of love. Laura runs into the room and I close the door, leaning back on it.

  
“I Love you. It sounds corny, huh?” I asked quietly.

  
“No,” Laura answers gently, turning her head to me. Her eyes are sparkling with happiness. Perhaps mine too.

  
“Look! How beautiful!” Laura goes to the window, looking at the night sky. I sigh.

  
“Abomination ...” I grin. She giggles.

  
“Well, why? Look at the sky! Trees! At the stars. At all!” Laura comes to me. She takes me by the hand, dragging the window. I shambles.

 

“It ... Individually is all good, and together is rubbish,” Laura snorts at my words. After she closes the curtains, includes a night light, and after getting in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

 

“Don’t you want to undress?”

 

“What?” I ask confused. I opened my mouth.

 

“Take off the coat, shoes …” she bites her lip, and I frantically exhale through the mouth. Laura begins to unbutton my buttons, one by one, and I just could stand like a statue, and I looked at her fingers. Laura slides her fingers under my coat; she removes it from my shoulders, and gently placing it on a chair.

 

“Do you need my help to tale off shoes?” she laughed softly, with a twinkle in her eyes which looking at me. I retired to the background, and quickly began to take off my shoes, feeling that she looks at me. Putting shoes beside the chair, I stood up, looking at Laura, who took me by the arm, pulled me to the bed. Laura sat on the bed, legs crossed, and I just went down there, feeling awkward around her.

 

“Don’t you think that we are good together?” she asks, putting her hand on my hand. I swallow.

  
  
“Yes.”

  
  
“You agree?” another question. I swallow again. She stroked my fingers, and this, I can’t think properly.

 

“Yes,” I grab her hand and I press her hand to my lips, kissing. Laura sticks her forehead on my shoulder.

  
  
“You know,” I start, “I was filled with love, but unfortunately, no one don’t need it. It seemed to me that I find really bitter solace in solitude, but to be honest, I have every day takes the form of a failure.

 

“You're just fearful,” Laura hugs my shoulders. “Don’t you dare trust your strange feeling.”

 

I kiss the top of her head. Everything happened too fast, easy, and it was so right ... It doesn’t give me rest

 

“Your heart is beating so fast,” Laura laughs.

 

“Next to you, I feel normal.”

 

“I've already had time to notice it,” she smiles, kissing me on the cheek.

 

“When you ... well ... realized that ... well ... like me?” I tried to find words. Laura timidly reached out her hand and covered my cold fingers. She knew that I raised my head and looked at her. Laura looked at me. In her eyes, I read something like tenderness. But clearly only her eyes were waiting. Hesitant, diffident, but it was a kind of expectation. I don’t know how long we looked into each other's eyes. It felt like an eternity, but actually passed, perhaps no more than two or five seconds. Our hands have decided everything for us. In a single, inexplicable fit of our fingers intertwined.

 

And then ... Our lips met in some frenzy, unexpected for both of us. Laura shuddered and turned away, evading my lips. I started kissing her cheeks and eyes. My fingers touched her hair and plunged into them, caressing. Suddenly, Laura hid her face in my neck. Her arms wrapped around my neck and not let go. Once again, our lips met. I kissed her mouth like if I felt hunger . Her fingers caressed my face. She held out her hand timidly, and our fingers intertwined again.

  
  
“It was in the first year. First day when my father took me to college. You know, I was going through. Worried that I didn’t get to learn that I can’t find new friends, I can’t find someone in whom I can fall in love,” Laura sat close to me, getting into my arms.

 

“Finally, I deal with study above my expectations. Friends ... I found them. And thank Lola, Kirsch and, surprisingly, Will. They found friendship with me for the pleasure. By the way, I made friends with them gradually. The first was Kirsch. He's cute, silly man-child, but he's incredibly kind, brave and caring. Then there was Will, who tried to flirt with me, but I told him that I can offer to hon only a friendship. Although, you know, I can see that he wants more than friendship ...”

 

I frown.

 

“And Lola. You know, she loves to switch on the function of a doting mother. It's so nice of her … She takes care of me, Kirsch and Will. Will is mad because of this. And you ... God ... It's so hard, Carm ...

 

I froze. Carm? I think that I even stopped breathing. No one had ever cut my name. I will not allow this.

 

“What is it?” Laura pulls away from me, looking at me with concern. I'm like prostrate look at her.

  
  
“My name …”

 

“What?”

 

“You said Carm ... No one call me like that, because I don’t allow. It sounds silly ...”

 

“Sorry ...”

 

“I like the way it sounds from your lips,” I interrupt her. Laura opened her eyes wide, and thenshe laughed, leaning on me, hugging. Nothing makes people happier than the time spent with those you love.

 

“I saw you on the first day, parking for bicycles,” I smiled at her words. “You were grumpy. Grumpy cat,” I smirked. What comparison.

 

“I love cats,” Laura laughed.

 

“Remarked, it was a clear hit. And on that day I remember that when I smiled. You were so funny, kind of. I could take my eyes off you. You were so different than laughing and happy part of the people who surround you. And then you turned around ... and ... I don’t know, but to me that something had happened when I saw your eyes. I think that I fell in love. I don’t know how to explain it. It may sound childish and silly ... but I really fell in love. Without “like”.”

 

“It's not stupid,” I kiss the top of her head. “But you told me, at first, like, just don’t be offended. Just, you know, I like people a little bit. I sat at the end of the auditorium. I sat and thought why I even chose journalism. It was not even my choice. Mother’s. And, yes …” Laura smiled softly.

  
  
“I have not seen you in a parking. The first time I saw you on that stupid introductory lesson where were told about Silas and everything. So I sat, bored ... and ... you came ... You're the one caught my attention. And then, every day, when I saw you, I like you more and more, and I realized that I fell in love with you ... Just you are never noticed me ...”

 

“I noticed,” Laura kisses me on the cheek, “you just didn’t see it. Honestly, I tried for a year talk with you, but I could not ... my confusion, my stupid language, which switches off at those moments when I saw you. And I ... I'm such an idiot! Do you want more truth?”

 

“Yeah?”

  
  
“I persuaded a professor of philosophy, so that he put you in a pair with me,” Laura bowed her head. I froze. “Just the very least I would not have come to you ...”

 

“But you came ...”

 

“I just decided. And honestly, I have waited your call.”

 

“I worried too much after the scene in the parking. And I could not even go to college. I ... I was afraid.”

  
  
“What?” Laura hugs me, putting her chin on my shoulder.

 

“You.”

  
  
“I was afraid too.”

 

“I also have a question.”

 

“Yes?”

  
  
“You specially made so that I stayed for the night?”

 

“Yes,” Laura tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Lord, I fell in love with scheming ...

 

“My God, Hollis, you're killing me,” I smirked and Laura moved into my lap, hugging my neck. I nuzzled her neck, inhaling her smell.

 

“I like your smell.”

 

“I like yours too ... I love to be with you, even though we were a little time together. Do you understand? I love you. I see your flaws and I like them. You know, I think your weaknesses complement your strengths as well as my weaknesses complement your dignity. We are afraid of different things ...”

 

“I need that you looked at me ... I need to be material that is ...”

 

Laura looked at me. Discussions are strange that, after all, a thing. I can share a million words, and ... say the main thing. And I can stare into the eyes ... and tell everything. I'm attracted to Laura closer. Resistance my body disappeared in the soul of incomparable tranquility reigned. Frankly, I have longed for Laura today. My hand fell to her hips, and then I touched her buttocks and squeezed. I was silent, moving my arms and hugging Laura's waist and gently kissed the corner of her lips. Laura’s hand hugged my shoulders, tightly clutching fingers. Her hands slipped below timidly hugging my waist. Laura clung to me and she sighs loud, and that sigh merged my amazement and delight of its bordering with my terror. She clung to me all the more tightly, trying to be as close as possible. And my heart trembled. This proximity was tender, eludes perception. I didn’t understand what was happening. I knew one thing is nothing sweeter I had never before experienced.

 

“Do you love me?” Laura asked.

 

“You know that.”

 

“Say it again.”

 

“I love you. You do feel it,” I barely moved my lips, but spoke firmly and with affection. Laura leaned even closer to me.

 

“Well ...”

 

“Yes?”

  
  
“The message ...” Laura immediately pulled away, looking at me, “you are ... specially … or ... you ...”

 

“Yes,” Laura looks down. Oh, God. God. God. What are you doing Hollis?

 

“Oh. ... Wow.”

 

“I thought about you ...” Laura whispers, hiding her face behind her hands.

 

“And you ...”

 

“Yes.”

  
  
I wanted to sink into the ground right now.

 

“You and Danny ...”

 

“No. I’m only for you,” Laura looked at me, and then she pulled me with her on the bed. Laura put her head on my chest, arms around my waist. I buried my nose in her hair. Happiness lives in the simple things. All burns and burns the most defenseless place between the shoulder blades, and only when she holds me, and I curled up to her, I feel saved.

 

The morning greeted both of us a loud knock at the door. I got up from the bed. Laura opened her eyes, immediately jumped out of bed. Looking at my watch, I saw that the time was about ten. Hell, I never slept in the clothes. Reluctantly got up, I went downstairs, pausing near the door that led into the living room.

 

“I thought you called me,” hell. Lawrence. I looked out from behind the door, trying not to appear on the eyes.

 

“Sorry, Danny ...”

 

“You're not alone?” shit.

 

“No.”

  
  
“With whom?”

 

“Danny,” Laura's voice was so pitiful that my heart could not stand, making a somersault from the pain.

 

“That is, you’re not being with me?”

 

“Sorry, you're good, but you have one big disadvantage,” Laura leans on the door jamb, gripping the handle.

 

“What?” and here Lawrence notices me. Danny stares at me and I look down at the floor.

 

“You are normal,” this phrase turns me inside out. Looking up, I saw her smile as bright as the scorching summer sun ... and her eyes like ice. Lawrence shrugged.

 

“And, you know ... it hurts to see you with another person, whom you love more ... Especially given the fact that itis Karnstein. This is the pain that can’t be described. You know, one day you will understand that my feelings for you were very serious and strong ...” Lawrence turns around to leave. I'm sorry. Honestly. Laura closes the door, turning face to me.

  
  
“God, I ...”

 

“It's okay,” I come to Laura, who immediately throws herself on my neck. I embrace it.

 

“Why does your smell is so soothing?”

 

I don’t know. I don’t know. Just don’t know anything, and I don’t want to know. I just want to be around you right now and don’t care at all.

 

After what happened, I persuaded Laura to come with me and meet my mother. Laura kicked, struggled and she was afraid, but I insisted. Kissed.

 

Mother is waiting for us. To my surprise. She sat at the kitchen table, sipping tea. This conventional picture made me stand in the doorway of the kitchen door, along with Laura, who embarrassed and hid behind my back.

 

“Carmilla, thank God you're all right,” mother was blown away, rushing toward me. “How's your leg?”

  
  
“Good,” I mumbled. Mother throws the interested gaze of my back. “This is Laura.”

 

“Oh, is she? I rolled my eyes, hearing the quiet laughter of Laura. Yes, God damn you both.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Karnstein,” Laura goes out of my back, holding out her hand. Mother raised an eyebrow in surprise.

 

“Miss, but to hell with it,” mother still shook hands with Laura, smiling sweetly. Really cute. Mother went to the stove, inviting us to the table.

 

“Your Mother ...”

 

“Yes,” I sighed.

 

“Charming,” I looked in amazement at Laura, who quickly kissed me on the cheek.

 

“It depends on which way you look.”

 

“Just when you told one time about your mother, I imagined all a little bit different ...”

 

“I just do not like dirty words,” Laura kissed me on the cheek again, going to my mother, helping her to arrange the dishes on the table. Lord. It seems to me that after a fall from a bicycle, I found myself in a parallel universe. Laura loves me. And, we are now a couple? Yes? Mother is accommodating. And ... the phone alerted me about the message. I pulled it out of my pocket, staring blankly at the screen, not realizing until the end of what read as a message. What the ...?

 

 **Unknown:** _Karnstein, do not hope that you will get exactly what you wanted. Broken off._


	8. Chapter 8

Laura and I were absolutely different. But for my surprise, my mother could not take her eyes away from us when we had dinner together. God bless her, she didn’t ask any questions. Laura glanced briefly at me, smiling. I felt uncomfortable.

 

“So, how is your project?” mother asks with interest, looking at Laura. Oh, no. No, no, no.

 

“Good,” Laura smiles. I swallow.

 

“That’s nice,” mother smiled. “Good. Carmilla, I have the night shift,” my eyes widen in horror. Do you mean to say ... ... that ...

 

“Have a fun,” my mother laughed with Laura. Why am I surrounded by women who laugh at me? Mother got up from the table, picking up the dishes. Laura immediately helped her.

 

“I'll wash. Don’t worry,” she smiles. Mother looks at me and winks. My face is drawn into incomprehensibility. My mother takes me by the hand, pulling into the hall.

 

“Unbelievable. Where did you find her?” mother smiled. I rolled my eyes.

 

“She found me.”

 

“Well, fine. She's lovely. Honestly, I was surprised that she likes you,” I sighed. Thanks mom. Mother hugged me.

 

“Have a fun,” mother winked at me again and put on her coat, closing the door behind her. Turning around, I saw Laura who leaned against the door jamb, smiling. Is she laughing at me?

  
  
“Once again I repeat that’s your mother is charming,” Laura bites her bottom lip. Oh, shit.

 

“Yes ...”

  
  
“You are also charming,” she looks down at the floor, still biting her lip. Lord, Hollis, stop ... Laura came up to me, taking my hand.

 

“You show me your room or I'll sleep on the couch in the living room?” she looks at me askance, biting her lip.

 

“Yes ...”

 

“Yes, what?”

 

“My room ...”

 

“Upstairs?” I nod. We are slowly going to my room. Laura stopped.

 

“Where next?”

 

“Right,” I'm nervous.

 

Laura opens the door after closing the door behind her.

 

“It's so ... not cute,” she giggles, looking around my room, and my heart starts to beat faster. I would be lost without you.

 

“Well, I don’t like to clean my room ...”

 

“Anyway,” Laura turns to me. “Do you find me a T-shirt or something?”

 

“Yeas,” hell, my social awkwardness is fucking disgusting. I was trying to find T-shirt. I thought that I'm incredibly happy. Turning to Laura, I drop my shirt. My mouth opened automatically. Laura stood in front of me in her underwear, shyly looking at me. I froze. We looked at each other. I swallowed.

 

“Do you like it?” fuck.

 

“... yes.”

 

“Really?” her voice sounds quiet.

 

“Why would I lie to you?” she smiles at my words. And, hell ...

 

I slowly walked over to Laura, took her hand in mine. I kiss her. Our kiss was soft and gentle.

 

“Kiss me,” Laura kissed me on the nose. I smiled, kissing Laura. Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer. No blankets, no warm pants, no knitted sweaters, no coats and no hats are no substitute for a pair of hands and lips that kiss you in awe.

 

Yes, it was not a perfect first real kiss. We broke away from each other almost every minute, because we could not breathe. A couple of times I bit her lip strongly. She laughed at me. But when my tongue was into her mouth, we both moaned. It was the best what I've felt ever. My hands touched her back, and Laura jerked. I took a step back.

 

“Your hands are cold,” she laughed, pulling me back. Laura kissed me.

 

“Sorry ...” I whisper to her lips.

 

“For what?” she smiles, breaking contact of our lips.

 

“For cold hands,” I closed my eyes, listening to her quiet laughter. Do not be afraid to look ridiculous if you're really happy.

 

“Do you want more ...” Laura's voice becomes like a whisper. I swallow.

 

“If you do not mind,” I feel her smile.

 

“I do not mind,” Laura stick her nose in my neck, taking a deep breath. My hands stroked her back, and Laura pressed closer.

 

“Can I ... ?”

 

“Yes,” my fingers found the clasp of bra, trying to unbutton. My attempt was unsuccessful.

 

“God, I even can’t normally do that,” I'm laughing. I can hear the laughter of Laura. It was not disappointing. Laura removes the upper part of her underwear. I sigh and look at Laura's chest. I twitch when I felt that she touched my hand. Her hand controlled mine. Do I’ve ever thought that it’s happen? In my room? And the fact that Laura would love me?

 

My hand goes to her chest. I squeeze my hand timidly. Laura does not take away her hand from mine. Laura kissed me. I feel her heart beats in front of my palm. Laura kissed me slowly and surely began to unbutton my shirt, after taking it off my shoulders. Our lips meet again. I enjoy the taste of the kiss. My fingers stroked her back.

 

“Did you ...?” Laura says with a pause, not looking at me.

 

“No,” I bless all existing and non-existent gods for that. But then I froze, realizing that, in principle, I don’t know what to do. No, I know. I watched porn. But porn it's porn. But we're going to make love. Yes? Making love and porn are two different things.

 

“What is it?” Laura smiles. Her fingers runs over my collarbone.

 

“Well, sort of ... what to do?”

 

“I watched ...”

 

“Me too,” I interrupt her and Laura giggles.

 

I kissed Laura. Her body was hot. I pressed my forehead to her forehead. Laura grabbed my face in her hands and I groaned. I sobbed and I pulled her arms around my neck. My heart stopped beating for a split second, and then pounding, going crazy, bubbling in the enthusiasm.

 

I didn’t realize when I pulled Laura on the bed, forcing her to sit on my lap. It seemed to me that every second that I did not touch her lips, I’m just slowly dying.

 

Laura buried her fingers into my unruly hair. I felt her lips. We looked into each other's eyes. I heard our shortness of breath. We kissed again. My hands trembled when Laura pushed her hips to me, and I felt her wet underwear.

 

“I'm sorry,” Laura whispered, pulling away slightly.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” I kiss her again, awkwardly placing my hands on her back. Laura moves her hips. She moans in my mouth.

 

“Your hands,” my hands timidly fall on the buttocks of Laura gently squeezing. I feel goose bumps when Laura unclasped my bra, running her fingers through my bare chest. Laura kissed me softly, and I already lie on my back, and then she leaned back on the bed next to me. She laughed softly.

 

“What?” I asked, turning my face to her. Laura was lying on her back, looking at me.

  
  
“I just can’t believe,” she grabs my neck and she kiss me. My hand slips from the neck below, stopping on her stomach. I kiss her cheeks, cheekbones, chin, moving kisses on her neck. Everything was ridiculous on my part; because I was afraid to do something wrong and ... I rested my forehead on Laura's shoulder, taking a deep breath. I felt her fingers stroked my hair.

 

God, her smell. I took a deep breath. There are no words strong enough to convey the feeling that I felt when her smell slid in my lungs. Once, her smell hit my heart, and I fell in love with her. She smelled probably love, although I don’t know how love smells, but I'm sure it would be that smell ... Damn.

 

I kiss her shoulder, kissing down below. I kissed her chest and belly. I take her cloth, and Laura lifts the thighs, helping me take off. My lips kissed her belly, moving up to the chest. Laura draws me to her, kissing. She grabs my hips down, holding me close to her until we kissed. I would die of happiness at that moment. Lora moaned into my mouth. I rolled over on my side, resting my right foot on top of Laura’s foot.

 

“I feel like an idiot,” I whispered, burying my nose in her neck.

 

“I thought it was your usual feeling,” Laura laughs softly, kissing my hair. My hand lay on her stomach. I gently kissed her. Laura puts her hand on my shoulder, lightly squeezing. I stick my nose into her neck. My lips tenderly kissed her skin. Fuck.

 

“I ...” my voice breaks down to a whisper. Laura’s palm covers on mine, helping my fingers press to her clit. Laura removes her hand, clinging to her for my neck. She pulls me in a kiss. My fingers slipped down, trying to speed up the pace.

 

“I want inside,” Laura moaned into my mouth. I choked on her words, swallowing. My fingers go down below, pressing. Laura’s palm falls on my own, prompting action. My finger presses down on her entrance. And my fingers slid inside her. Laura squeezes my hand, uttering a soft moan.

 

“That’s okay?” my voice breaks. I feel that Laura was hot and wet inside. Hell, it'sa suicidefor my brain.

 

“Yes ...” her hand rests on my cheek, “just a little painful ... and ... unusual ...”

 

“Can I …”

 

“Yes,” and I start gently and slowly to move my hand, trying not to hurt her. I kiss her, feeling her fingers in my hair.

 

“Faster ...” Laura begs, breathing heavily. She draws me to her neck, my forehead touches her. Her eyes are closed, hips moving to of my movements. I feel her walls clench around my fingers. And Laura moaned loudly. After a few seconds, her body relaxes; and I gently slide my fingers out. Laura immediately bore down on top of me, smiling lazily. I sigh.

 

“What is it?” she buried her nose into my cheek.

 

“My hand is tired,” there was silence between us, and then Laura laughed. I smiled. I clung to her chest, listening to her heart. And we fall asleep.

 

Waking up in the morning, I found myself lying in loneliness. I jumped off the bed, looking around the room in a panic. Until I heard the loud sound of something fell. Finding my shirt folded on a chair, I quickly pulled on her and I ran downstairs. Laura appeared in the kitchen, trying to cook something from products that have been in our house.

 

“Good morning,” I said.

 

“Good afternoon, in fact,” she smiled, turning to me, “where is oil?”

 

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. I frowned. “You don’t have to cook breakfast ... or lunch ... there now?”

 

“It’s not difficult,” she turned back to me, smiling. I pursed my lips. There was silence between us. Laura came up to me, hugging my neck. I looked away.

 

“What is it?” she asks anxiously, kissing me on the cheek.

 

“It's nothing.”

 

“Really?” Laura continues to kiss me on the cheek.

 

“I was afraid.” Laura immediately looked at my face. The surprise and anxiety are combined in her eyes that looked into mine.

 

“I woke up, and I didn’t see you next to me,” I swallow. “I thought you left me ...”

 

Laura looks at me, and after she kisses me.

 

“I'm not going anywhere,” she whispered, “never think about it. I. Love. You.”

 

“I love you,” I repeat. Laura hugs me tighter. For a moment I hold my breath, and then I asked with a silly smile on my face.

 

“You brushed your teeth?”

 

“Yes, your toothbrush,” she looks at me, smiling. “At least I hope it was your toothbrush. Your toothbrush isn’t pink?”

 

“No,” I say.

 

“Thanks God,” she gasped. I laughed. “Go into the shower, and I’ll cook something.”

 

“It was necessary, nevertheless, to say “yes”,” she snorted, and first I went to the room for clothes, and after to the bath. Returning to the kitchen and quickly eating my breakfast-lunch, I watched how Laura washes dishes. I put my head on the table, propping my chin with my fist, looking at Laura's ass.

 

“Stop it,” I smiled. “Stop staring!”

 

“No. I like it.”

 

“I know that you like it, and you know that I like that you like it,” oh, Laura Hollis, you killed my sanity! Although, whether is it?

 

“Kiss me,” I ask. Laura turns around, grinning and coming up to me. I raise my head, smiling. Laura kisses me, hugging me.

 

“I have to go,” she whispers in my mouth. “I need to be preparing for the arrival of my dad.”

  
“No,” I lean my cheek against her stomach, hugging her hips.

  
“Take a walk with me?” her fingers massage the skin of my head.

 

“Okay,” I hear her laugh.

  
“Then come to dress,” Laura takes me by the sleeve, dragging the hall. I quickly dressed. Finally, we left the house. I closed the door.

 

We walked slowly. It’s all the time we walked, she hold my hand. As we walked, I learned a lot about Laura that, a lot of things, I even surprised. I was surprised that Laura knows how to fight. Her father was so worried about her that as a child gave her on the combat course. I also learned that Laura could sing. There is nothing I could answer, and Laura laughed at my expression. She promised to show me her mug in the form of the Tardis. Oh, fuck.

 

Already standing near her house, Laura kissed me so passionately that I felt dizzy from lack of air. Waved at me, she disappeared into the house, closing the door. From an overabundance of feelings, I jumped on the spot. My face graced in the most stupid smile in the world. Turning, I stomped to home; I don’t think about anything except her kisses and her smell. Suddenly, someone grabbed me by the arm, and instantly my back met the wall. What the hell? I was in an alley.

  
  
“Will?” what the hell is going on? He took off his hood. His wild eyes analyze me.

 

“Hello, kitty,” his smile slips across the lips. I frown.

 

“What the hell?”

 

“Oh, look, how we started talking,” he began waving his arms revealing. I noticed that until I didn’t see him, he changed - long hair and beard. Well, what's happening?

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Me? A lot of things. For example, why are you hanging around here?”

 

“I can ask you the same thing,” I snorted.

 

“Oh, you and she kissed so sweetie. I can feel my erection,” he laughed. I swallowed.

  
“You're disgusting.”

  
“Yes, what to do,” he shrugs, and then he pulls out from under his jacket ... Laura's diary. He waves it in front of my nose, disgusting giggling. “Can you even imagine, I learned so much. About Laura, about you, about your love ...”

  
I’m silent.

  
“WHY SHE CHOSE YOU?!” he shouts.

  
“You! You! You're crazy! I don’t understand!”

  
“You never understand ...”

  
He laughed, shaking his forefinger.

  
“I tried to be nice, attractive and charming. I flirted with her. I tried to invite her on a date ... And she said that I’m just a friend. What did you? It's nothing. It's nothing.”

  
“None of your business,” I snapped. I understand that it’s dangerous.

 

“You and she fucked, yeah? Tell me, she has beautiful moans?” he grins, revealing diary.

  
  
“I hate myself for being unbearably miss you, even though we never met, because I'm just afraid to come to you,” he quotes a diary, looking at me. Hell, if something happens, I’m useless. I do not know how to fight.

 

“What do you have, that I haven’t?”

 

“I’m not normal.”

 

“So I’m a perfect candidate,” he replies immediately. “You know,” he pulls out knife. Damn, damn, damn! “I was thinking about what I'm not averse to become more abnormal.”

 

I remember that the last thing is a burning pain under the ribs, laughing Will and … how I fell on the wet asphalt ...


	9. Chapter 9

The first thing I felt, it was a pain. Damn painful pain. Then I realized that my brain moved out. The third thing that I realized there is the fact that it was hard to breathe. I tried to take a deep breath, but it was not successful. I tried to move my fingers. I barely opened my eyelids. Bright light immediately struck in my eyes, and why I had to squint. Fine. I'm in the hospital. I'm in the hospital, where my mother works.

  
I tried to swallow, but dry mouth and throat didn’t let me do it. Looking around my hands, I found a tube of droppers. I gasped, and this made a left side of my body ached so much that I wanted to die. Turning my head to the left side, I saw my mother, who was asleep in a chair, standing against the wall. Honestly? I wanted to cry.

  
“Mom,” my throat tore from words. I winced. “Mom ...”

  
I took a deep breath, uttering a muffled groan; and mother jumped in the chair. She immediately opened her eyes.

  
“Carmilla!” she yelled, rushing to my bed and grabbing my hand. “Oh, my God! My dear!”

  
“Water ...” my voice croaked.

  
“Yes, yes, yes,” mother quickly grabbed the bottle from the table, and she poured water into a glass, “just a few sips, no more.”

 

Mother helped me raise my head from the pillow, holding the glass near my lips. Lord, for the first time in my life I realize that water can be so tasty. I lay back, swallowing. I curve with each inhalation and exhalation, because under the ribs ached terribly.

 

“My dear! I was so scared!” she squeezes my hand. Damn. Just don’t cry. I never saw my mother crying. Especially, because of me.

 

“Don’t cry,” I whisper, immediately wincing.

 

“I'll call the doctor. He gives you painkillers,” my mother went away, leaving me alone. Bloody idiot. Will. I donэt have any normal reasons to love this shitty world. But somehow I like.Although anyone ... I'm lying there. Laura Hollis. I’m really an idiot. I hope she knows about the fact that I'm in the hospital. I madly want to see her. I want to touch her. I want to breathe her smell. My lungs are already choking on the smell of the hospital. I never liked the hospital. The mother quickly returned with some man.

 

“Carmilla, good evening,” man said with broad smile. I tried to nod.

 

“So, tell me, what’s on a scale from one to ten is the pain?” the doctor took my wrist, pressing his fingers probing my pulse.

 

“Eleven,” I responds, hissing when the pain again makes itself felt.

 

“Oh,” he laughs, “a sense of humor is, then, all right. Relatively, of course. A couple of minutes nurse comes and gives you painkillers.

 

“Thank you,” mother smiled.

 

“Yet, more than a day had passed out,” the doctor grins. What?

 

“What?” I asked, jerking my right hand.

 

“You've been unconscious for about twenty-seven hours,” my eyes opened wide. Damn, shit, fuck. The doctor lets go of my hand, smiling. “Well, you've had quite a dense coat, and good health, and the person who gave first aid to you, was there.”

 

“Laura?” I ask hopefully.

 

“No, my dear,” mother puts her hand on my head, slowly stroking. “There was girl from your college. Lawrence seems ... Yes. Danny Lawrence.”

 

I wanted to sink into the ground. What the hell she did there? Also, like Willyboy, she follows us, and also wanted to kill me but this crazy moron overtook her, and she decided to show nobility and save me?

 

“Do you know her?” mother removes a lock of hair from my forehead.

 

“Yes, I met her couple of times,” I coughed. Fuck.

 

“So, less talks and a little more rest,” the doctor winked at me, taking my mother's hand and led her out. I want to die.

 

A few minutes later a nurse came. She smiled. What the hell are you so cute? She gave me an injection. I hate injections. More precisely, I’m afraid of them.

 

“After about five minutes to act,” she lightly squeezed my shoulder. It seems that I didn’t die, but didn’t feel alive. The nurse went out, leaving me alone. Then a few minutes later mother came. I sighed. Indeed, the painkillers began to act. Yes, now the pain on a scale from one to ten it’s seven.

 

“If you only knew how you scared me. I thought I lost you,” my mother sat on the bed, squeezing my fingers.

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course,” she smiles sadly, “I understand that I'm careless mother in your eyes, even disgusting,” she sighs. I frowns.

 

“Whatever it was, as if I was rude to you, I love you. You're my daughter. You are the best for me. I suppose that I don’t always understand you, but ... I always worry about you. Always,” her smile becomes wider appeal to me.

 

“I was afraid that you will die. To be honest, even though I’m a doctor, but I didn’t know how to behave in such a situation. In a situation with you ...” she doesn’t finish, turning away and looking at the wall. I intertwined our fingers. When someone opens him heart, there is always a risk that will be pain. And I didn’t want to hurt her.

 

“Mom,” yes, hell, I love my mother, whatever she was. Yes, she’s not what a normal mother should be, but ... she's my mom. She never did anything wrong to me. Never. And nothing.

 

“I never let you go. At least as long as I live,” my mother holds my hand, and my pain, that was killing me in the ribs, went. Or it’s just an analgesic. Although I would like to believe that this is my mother.

 

“Thank you, I love you, too,” the shadow of a smile slips on my lips. Mom leans over to kiss me on the forehead.

 

“Okay, enough,” she waved her hand, grinning. “By the way, the guy, who stabbed you with a knife, was detained by police. So, don’t worry.”

 

“Fucking asshole ...”

 

“Do you know him?”

 

“Yes,” I answered briefly.

 

“And what did you tell him that he almost killed you?” mother looks at me.

 

“Will loves Laura,” mother's eyes widen in horror, “and she chose me ...”

 

“Mother sighs, shaking her head.

 

“And I thought that girl is nice and quiet, and look ... jousting battles for her. And what is in her? Explain it to me.”

 

“I don’t know,” I turn my head to the side, trying not to look at my mother, “for me ... she’s like the sun. She is an angry when she wants to be angry. She laughs when she wants to laugh. She is always honest with herself and with others. I don’t know. She is the light that warms me. She is something that I don’t have.”

 

“Carmilla.”

  
  
“I'm too weak to be her ... But I don’t care.”

 

“And are you going to continue to love a person, due to whom you can lose your life?”

 

“Yes,” I said.

 

“I hope it's worth it. Rest,” mother kisses me on the forehead, getting out of the bed and leaving me. Damn, I wish Laura was here now. I firmly closed my eyes, falling asleep.

 

Waking up, I didn’t understand where I am but I felt pain in the ribs. I realized immediately that I was in the hospital. Fuck. I tried to take a deep breath, and I almost died. Using my fingers and feeling for the nurse’s call button, I clicked it. After a couple of seconds nurse came.

 

“Oh, you already woke up? Good,” she came up to me, checking my pulse.

 

“Water?”

 

“Of course,” she smiled and took a glass with water on the table. “I'll bring you something to eat and call your mother. Miss Karnstein didn’t sleep while you were unconscious.”

 

The nurse gave me water. After a couple of sips, I gave the glass back. She smiled and walked away. My mother came to me in a working form and she immediately checked my pulse and temperature. People always continue to bother, when I want to be alone and quietly surrender to despair.

  
  
“How do you feel?”

 

“Disgusting,” I smile.

 

“Yes, optimism is clearly not yours,” she snorted. “By the way, there's a visitor for you.”

 

“Laura” I ask. Hell, I don’t like the sound of my voice, when I say her name. Mother looked at me askance.

 

“Your girlfriend is out of town,” mother responds calmly and I tried to sit up in bed, but I immediately fell back in the pain. “She went to her father. I already found out. He broke his leg in the trip, and she rushed to him.”

 

“That means …”

 

“She doesn’t know what happened with you,” mother looked at me with regret. I frown. Father is more important. Important. Shit.

 

“Carmilla.”

  
  
“I want to eat,” I said, changing the subject. Mom purses her lips. She turns, leaving. After her I saw red-head in the doorway. Damn. The savior.

 

“Hello,” she said quietly. I roll my eyes.

 

“Hello, savior,” Lawrence grins, passing into and placing a chair close to my bed. She sits down.

 

“How are you feeling, Karnstein?” she asked, looking at me.

 

“Like a human who stabbed,” I wince, and she grins.

 

“That’s crap, Karnstein,” she sniffs.

 

“You don’t look better,” I snort, immediately shutting my eyes. Devil. The nurse enters with a tray of food. She fixes me a tray, after raising my bunk. I hissed.

 

“I gave you painkillers.”

 

“No, I ... okay,” I say. The nurse looks at me with suspicion. She goes away. I look at Lawrence, who looks at food with some disbelief.

 

“By the way, it’s disgusting.”

 

I rolled my eyes. There was laughter. Frankly, this is the first time I hear her laughing. Taking a fork and digging deeper in some salad, I lifted the fork to my mouth and tasted. Okay, that’s edible.  


“What were you doing there?” I ask.

 

“Honestly? Well, I … you with Laura,” she sighs.

 

“Oh,” I grin.

 

“I just wanted to make sure that she was all right and that you did for her approach,” Lawrence lowered her head.

 

“Convinced?”

  
  
“Yes,” she laughed, looking at me with her blue eyes. I ate a little lettuce.

 

“I didn’t think that Will is such an idiot,” Danny sighs, rubbing her nose.

 

“I never doubted it,” putting the fork, I took a spoon, scooping up the mess. Porridge.

 

“You know, when people believe that they are the only right, they are capable of the most terrible and heinous acts.”

 

“Yeah. Him face ...”

 

“You know, that was good to punch him in the face!” Lawrence laughed and I smiled, after sending a spoonful of porridge into my mouth.

 

“I agree, but I ... oh, can’t do this,” swallowing porridge, I said.

 

“I don’t care,” Lawrence leaned back in the chair, crossing her arms over the chest. Yeah, come on, show your coolness. “If you want to fight with me, I can stand it.”

 

“Valkyrie,” I chuckled, causing she smile wide.

 

“You ...” I stammered,” did you call Laura?”

 

“I called. I swear I called. But she doesn’t answer. Your mother has already told me that Laura's father broke his leg. Medical communication,” Lawrence chuckled. I frowned. “I'll try to get through it. Lola and her Kirsch call her.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“But not for that,” Lawrence smile. I put the spoon in place, taking a glass of water and making a couple of sips.

 

“Why are you ...”

 

“What?”

  
  
“Didn’t make Laura to fall in love with you,” oh, yes. More idiotic advice, I could not give her.

  
  
“I tried, but ... I don’t know,” she shakes her head. “Laura has always been distant from me. I could not think that she was in love with someone more than year. Yes, yes. I found a diary.”

 

“Excellent,” I think it’s already possible to give to the press.

 

“Well, I could not resist. Moreover, where she wrote about me. And ... This is wrong and despicable to read her diary. Just by reading the diary, I thought about one thing. If the entire year, she was so in love with you, why the hell she was flirting with me? She promised to go on a date with me. Damn her.”

 

“Maybe she was trying to stop loving me?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lawrence looks at me, “just in every day, which was described in the diary, it’s a declaration of love to you while she gave hope to me. You know, it's fucking hurt.”

  
“I don’t think she wanted to hurt you,” I put the glass down, looking at her eyes.

 

“I think you're right,” Lawrence frowns. “I have to leave.

 

“What?” I was shocked looking at her, not knowing where she was going.

  
“Anything I can do for you and for her … it disappears from her life. I’ll go to another town, somewhere far away. The main thing is that she should be happy. After all, she loves you, and so she is happy,” Danny smiles. “Of course, I will cherish it until the end of my days. It will never disappear from my heart. I'll always remember everything.”

  
“Are you crazy?”

  
“I don’t want to ruin her happiness,” Lawrence sighs, “so I'm going to blame her, while maintaining the illusion of external support.”

  
“You don’t need to change your life for someone who, unfortunately, could not love you,” I say to her, sighing. The nurse came.

 

“Carmilla need to rest,” she leads my bed to its original position, after taking the tray and leaving.

  
  
“Get well, Karnstein,” red-head gets up from her chair, smiling. “I'll be back.”

 

I chuckled. Lawrence left, and after a few moments, the nurse came with the doctor. I gasped. Nurse gave me painkillers. After the doctor, only a mother asked me how I feel. She sat with me for five minutes, and after kissing the forehead, she left.

 

The next day, after I woke up, the whole day only doctor and nurse came to me, and my mother. They always asked how I was, but in fact they were not interesting. I missed Laura. I needed her more than ever. But the father is more important. He is more important than I am. Yes. But damn thing doesn’t calm.

 

Mother came the last time just before bedtime. She patted me on the head and she kissed me forehead, but I didn’t care. All my thoughts were about Laura. The last thought, before my eyes closed, was that tomorrow I will have plenty of time to think about everything. But when the first rays of sun began to break through the blinds, I realized with horror that it was “tomorrow” has came.

 

I woke in silence. I put my hand on my chest, listening to the heartbeats. Heart is pounding. I bit my lip. I opened my eyes only when I realized that I was alive. Mother came to me again, kissed me on the forehead, leaving. What is good, the injury was not too serious. What is not very good ...

 

In the afternoon, three red heads and bro came to me.

 

“Oh, Karnstein you again look like a crap,” LaF said.

 

“Watch your language,” Lola frowned, “hello, Carmilla.”

 

“Hi,” I smiled slightly.

 

“Wow,” there was voice of Kirsch, who looked at Lawrence in passing. Oh, no. Fine, just fine. Only arrows of Cupid and hearts to me are not enough.

 

“How are you feeling?” asked Perry, sitting on the edge of the bed. LaF smiled.

 

“Six.”

 

“What does this mean?” Kirsch asks puzzled, coming closer and getting close to Lawrence.

 

“This means that bad,” she says to me. Oh, thank you for your understanding.

 

“I hope the doctors did a good job,” LaFontaine folded their arms across the chest. “Let me see, huh?”

 

“LaF!” Perry explodes, shaking her finger.

 

“This is a purely scientific interest,” Lawrence rolls her eyes. I grin.

 

“I'm shocked more with the fact that Will made it,” Perry impatiently taps her fingers on my bed, “how could he do that?! Where are you watching?”

 

“Me?” Kirsch looks at me, and then at Perry, “he was a cool bro until holed Carmilla with a knife.”

  
  
Who knows, but the worst psychopaths always seem perfectly normal people.

 

“Yeah,” Lawrence rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

 

“Sorry, Laura went away,” LaF says, pursing their lips. Go to hell.

 

“We called her, but she doesn’t answer,” Perry smiles sadly.

 

“Yeah, I'm calling her every,” Wilson smiles reassuringly. Or maybe you're not such a moron.

 

“So kids, a visit is over. Give a rest to her friend,” said nurse, coming in.

 

“Yes. Yes,” LaFontaine raise their hands in a conciliatory gesture.

 

“Get well, Carmilla,” Perry squeezes my forearm in support gesture, smiling.

 

“Thank you,” I smile.

 

“See you,” Lola, LaF and Kirsch left. Wilson waved to me in goodbye.

 

“By the way, one of the bro likes you,” I grin, though, as the face of Danny twisted.

 

“Wilson is still a moron.”

 

“But good-natured,” she frowned, pursing her lips.

 

“I think about it,” she grins, leaving. Why am I surrounded by such lovely idiots? Oh.

 

Waking up in the evening, I heard a strange noise in the hall of the hospital. I don’t understand what is happening; I got up off the bed, staring at the door.

 

“Miss! Visits are over! Miss! Miss!”

 

The door abruptly swings open, and I see Laura, who was shocked, looking at me with tears.

 

“Miss!”

 

“Leave them alone,” I hear the voice of my mother, who leads the nurse, closing the door behind Laura. I looked at Laura, without blinking.

 

Laura's cheeks hail of tears rolled down, but she kept her eyes on me, like if trying to remember me the way I was at that moment. I was numb and felt tears of Laura on my heart, like my heart is bleeding. Everyone say that love brings happiness. Lie.

 

“Hi,” her voice exudes pain. I’m silent. “How are you?”

 

“Silly question,” I answered quietly, looking at Laura. Her eyes were too dark. Laura still stood. I clenched my jaw.

 

“I missed you.”

 

These words hit me in the wound. I shake my head. That’s all because of you. I lean back on the pillow, closing my eyes. I hear the quiet footsteps, knowing, that Laura is already standing next to me. What do you need from me? I can’t make her happy.

 

I feel the gentle touch on my hand. Opening my eyes, I looked at Laura. After a couple of seconds, I looked away.

 

“I really didn’t know ...”

 

“I know,” I interrupt her. I feel broken to pieces ... But if we imagine that life is a bloody kaleidoscope, that is, from the fragments, the most amazing pictures. But in my case, this is disgusting picture.

 

Laura squeezes my hand in hers, sitting down on a chair. We are silent. I just don’t want to talk.

 

“Most of all, I ...” Laura starts to talk but she cut off herself for a couple of seconds, “... I wanted to come to you and lie down next to you.”

 

I smiled. Laura got up from the chair and kissed me, and I immediately forgot that I was in the hospital, with a knife wound. Only we are me and her.

 

“You were the first person I kissed, and you will be last,” Laura said to me with serious tone, breaking the kiss. “Or is it too silly?”

 

“Silly?” I grin. “This is perfect.”

 

Tears flowed in my cheeks. Happiness. I merged with this pain and this happiness; I have them in one piece into me. We are pulsating together in a mad rhythm of the hearts. I could see the pain in her eyes. I hug her. Laura cried, and I smiled. Idiot.

 

“Calm down,” I offer a hand to her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb, wiping tears.

 

“No, it’s not okay; I burst into tears while kissing!” Laura kisses me again, and I feel the salty taste of her tears on my lips.

 

She gently put her arm around me, and we have been too long in that position. Her head rested on my shoulder, and the warm breath tickled my neck. Suddenly, I was seized with an irresistible urge to squeeze her tightly in my arms. But thanks to Will and to the wound because I can’t do that. Laura pulled back a little, kissing me on the nose. I have never felt anything like this. It made me dizzy. It seemed like if my heart would break to hell. It seemed if Laura pulls away from me … my heart will kill me right here.

 

My lips found hers. We kissed. I can’t tell what I felt at that moment. At first we just kissed ... But abruptly stopped because I was afraid not to stop.

 

“Lie down with me,” I ask. Laura wipes her tears, pulling away from me and getting to her feet. She takes off her coat, lying on her side, hugging me.

 

“No matter what happens today, tomorrow or the day after, I'm happy, because I love you,” Laura kisses me on the cheek, burying her nose in my neck.

 

And in the morning ... I'd closed my eyelids tighter. Laura hugged me with hand and foot. I smiled. We are together for a long time or not ... How should I know? We are together, and that's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor. Therefore, people with medical education, please forgive me. I don't know how things are going after stab wounds, so ...


	10. Chapter 10

Hell is to wake up every morning, not knowing what to do. But, thanks to the person who snuffles near me. Opening my eyes, I saw Laura, peacefully sleeping on my shoulder. Her hand rested on my stomach. Her fingers were twitching. Smiling, I kissed the top of her head and I heard a mumbling.

 

“Super sweet,” turning my head, I saw mother. Mother is grinning. “Of course, I understand, but she is in dirty clothes on the bed.”

 

“Mom.”

  
  
“I'm glad she came,” winking at me, my mother closed the door. When the most wonderful person in the whole world belongs only to you, everything is transformed. I kissed her again at the top of head, putting my hand over hers.

 

“Morning,” she murmured, burying her nose in my cheek.

 

“Yeah,” I buried my nose in her hair, inhaling the smell. How I missed.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

"Much better, because you’re here,” I feel her smile. After a kiss burns my cheek tenderly. Laura lifted on an elbow, hand propping up her head.

 

“I was so scared about you,” her fingers squeeze mine.

 

“How’s your dad?” I look at our fingers.

 

“Oh,” she grins, laughing. “I wonder how he didn’t break all himself. At lunchtime he went to a coffee shop and bought a coffee, and when he returned to work, he got a call, and coffee began to fall from the hands … and dad tried to catch coffee and he fell ... How he managed to do so?”

 

I smiled.

 

“He stayed in the town. I tried to take care of him, but …” Laura rolled her eyes. “And by the way ...”

 

Laura smiled.

 

“What?”

  
  
“I told him about us,” my eyes opened wide in shock. What? How?

 

“I ... am ... What are you ...?” Laura laughed, kissing me in the nose.

 

“Do not worry, he doesn’t mind,” yeah, it's definitely calmed me down. No, of course.

 

“What did you say to him?”

 

“I told him that I’m in love. And it's mutual. And that we are dating. And your name is Carmilla,” she smiled, kissing me on the nose. She laughed.

 

“Sometimes, I ask myself how I could fall in love with you?”

 

“Easily,” she blushed. I grin, pulling her to me for a kiss. I missed her lips. Laura tenderly kissed me, putting a hand on me cheek. I take a back, twisting my lips.

 

“What?” she asks.

 

“Kissing in the morning is not the best idea,” Laura frowned, barely suppressing a smile.

 

“You're an ass,” she tells me, turning away.

 

“Ass?”

  
  
“Yes.”

  
  
“Ass?” I ask again.

 

“Don’t you dare to laugh at me when I'm mad at you!” she pouted, looking at me. I could not resist, and I laughed, but the laughter stopped immediately.

 

“Damn,” I hissed.

 

“Sorry,” Laura terrified, lacing her fingers with mine and kissing me on the cheek. Fuck.

 

“Okay,” I gasped.

 

“Maybe call a nurse?”

 

“No,” I smile. Suddenly, the door is opened, and we see Lawrence with a package in her hands. She looks at us in shock.

 

“I ... I come back later,” redhead turned, immediately crashing into a jamb. Laura quickly jumped out of bed, running up to her.

 

“Lord, Danny,” Laura takes Valkyrie’s package, putting it on the floor and taking her face in her hands. I sighed, trying not to be jealous.

 

“Are you conspired with my father about the ridiculous wounds?” oh, yeah, especially me. Lawrence blinked when Laura touched her nose.

 

“It’s okay,” she says. Honestly, I would now gladly lend Will’s knife.

 

“I can see,” Laura’s voice becomes strict. “I'll call a nurse.”

 

“It’s not necessary,” but Laura is gone. I rolled my eyes. Lawrence touches her face, shaking her head.

 

“Hello,” I pursed lips.

 

“Yeah.”

  
  
“I brought apples. Vitamins.”

 

“Thank you,” I said. Danny scratched her head.

 

“How are you?”

 

“Fine,” I shrugged. Redheaded sniffed, sitting down on a chair next to my bed.

 

“We phoned Laura, as you can see,” she smiles. Laure came in, pausing for a moment and seeing us so close nearby. She held an ice pack.

 

“Be careful next time,” Laura puts her hand on her shoulder. I sighed.

 

“Maybe call a nurse?” she looks at me.

 

“No.”

  
  
Laura worriedly looks at me, and then she notices my look at her hand, which rested on the shoulder of redhead. Laura immediately pulled back her hand.

 

“How is your dad?” Danny asked.

 

“Good,” Laura smiles awkwardly.

 

“So,” Lawrence looks at me, “get well, Karnstein. Eat apples. Laura, take a care about her.”

 

“Of course,” Laura smiles, and I roll my eyes. There is mother number two. Lawrence smiled at me, and she left.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Laura asked, sitting down on the bed and taking my hand.

 

“For what?”

 

“Well, Danny ...”

 

“She saved my life, how can I get mad at her?” of course I can.

 

“Okay. Do you want an apple?”

 

“I hate apples,” I snort. Laura laughs.

 

“I love apples,” Laura whispers, leaning almost touching my lips, but then pulling away, “no, kissing in the morning is a bad idea.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” I pull Laura to me, kissing. She grins, kissing me back.

 

It was a good day. Laura ate apples, saying, that they're delicious. I snorted at her words, and she just laughed. The doctor who came to see me, he allowed her to stay. Mother grinned, standing behind the doctor.

 

The next two days were good too. Laura left the hospital only to change clothes and then she immediately back to me.

 

On the day of discharge, Laura, I don’t know how, agreed with my mother to take me to her home. I almost fell into the hall of the hospital. Mom just mysteriously smiled and waved, leaving us. I stared at Laura, who immediately gave me a kiss on the cheek. She dragged me to the door, holding by a hand.

 

“And how did you do this?” I ask, when we go out into the street. Laura puts on hat on me, adjusting it. I'm grimacing and I trying to step back.

 

“So,” Laura gently kissed me. “Your mother likes me. Especially, don’t you dare to remove the hat. Clear?"

 

I snorted. Laura kissed me on the nose, grabbing my sleeve and pulling the car. In the car, I waited until Laura sits in the driver's seat.

 

“I hope you do well drive a car?”

 

“You doubt my abilities?”

 

“I have no doubt in one of your ability,” I smile, seeing Laura blushed.

 

“Hey!”

  
  
“What? I'm talking about your ability to eat apples,” I sighed, “and what do you think about?”

 

Laura slapped my hand. I laughed. Under ribs hurt, but not so much.

 

All the way I looked at Laura, who was smiling. Her cheeks were flushed, and it clearly was not a change of temperature. We arrived at her house pretty quickly. Coming out of the car, Laura took me by the arm. I already like that damn cute tradition. Laura opened the door, letting me inside. Taking off my hat and threw it on the shelf, I began to unbutton my coat. Laura helped me to take it off, hanging on a hook.

 

“Come into the kitchen, I'll feed you properly,” kissing me on the cheek, Laura raced upstairs. I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, leaning back in the chair. Impatiently I began to tap my fingers. I always thought about, was there any place for me in the world outside of my room, and whether there was a person in the world who could be so close to me? And a person is found.

  
  
“Miss me?”

 

“Huh?”

  
  
“I'm really missed you,” Laura kisses the top of my head. I stand up from the chair, hugging Laura.

 

“You need to be careful,” she laughed, “don’t forget about the wound.

 

“I don’t give a fuck,” I buried my nose in her neck. Laura pulls away from me a little bit.

 

“We should not to date anymore,” Laura says seriously, and I made a few steps back.

 

“What? What are you ...”

 

“We need to live together,” Laura smiles shyly. My mouth opens and closes, without uttering a sound. I'm trying to breathe, but it’s hard.

 

“Carm, Carm, breathe,” Laura worriedly looked at me, taking my face in her hands.

 

“Laura, sometimes I don’t understand humor,” I close my eyes, feeling kiss on the lips.

 

“I'm sorry,” I sigh, opening my eyes.

 

“Stop. What that means “live together”?”

 

“I talked with your mother, and she doesn’t mind,” Laura smiled, “and my dad, too. Moreover, he is always on business trips. He's worried about me, but here he was known that I’m dating with a girl … and you agreed to live with me.”

 

“It seems is it time to call the police?”

 

“Why?”

  
  
“Because you are ...” I shook my head. Laura laughed.

 

“But you like it.”

 

“Did I have a choice?” Laura snorts. “Just in no way I'm able to help at home.”

 

“It’s correctable,” she kisses me on the nose. “Come on, I'll make something to eat?”

 

“I don’t want to eat. I just want to hug you,” Laura takes me by the arm, dragging me to her room. Laura closed the door behind her, and then we both fell on the bed. I hugged her. Laura buried her nose in my neck, breathing.

 

“I could never have thought that Will would do that,” she murmured.

 

“He was always being a moron.”

 

“He told you “why”? Why? Or he just ...” Laura swallowed.

 

“He's in love with you.”

 

“Well, it's not a reason to kill you.”

 

“Reason. He read the diary.”

 

“What?” Laura sat up, looking at me.

 

“We left it on the street. He picked it up. Rather, he followed us. More specifically, you.”

 

“Hell,” Laura put her head on my shoulder. “Carm, I'm sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I feel guilty for what happened to you ...”

 

“Enough, huh?” I kiss the top of her head, hugging. You know, I'm more worried about the fact that Lawrence also read the diary.”

 

“What?”

  
  
“Another attack I will not survive,” I grin.

 

“This is not funny, Carm!” Laura sighs. I lift my hand, starting to stroke her hair.

 

“Calm down,” I closed my eyes, stroking her hair. A few minutes later Laura's breathing became calm, and I realized that she had fallen asleep. I tried to sleep.

 

Waking up, I found that was dark, and Laura turned away from me, asleep. I'm a little stretched, so as not to disturb the wound. To my surprise, Laura jumped on the bed and shouting “I forgot to call my dad,” she raced downstairs. Smiling to myself, I got out of bed and went downstairs.

 

“Yes, dad, I love you too,” I heard. Laura smiled. She looked at me. I plopped down on the couch.

  
  
“How is your dad?”

 

“Such a child,” Laura laughed, shaking her head. “Hello to you.”

  
“How cute” Laura sniffed at my remark, sitting down on my knees and clasping her knees of my thighs.

  
  
“You are an ass,” Laura kisses me. I smile. Laura’s tongue slips in my mouth and my hands fall to her waist, pulling her closer.

 

“Be careful,” she whispers in my lips, resuming the kiss.

 

“I don’t care,” I answer, gently biting Laura’s bottom lip. Laura touches my cheek, while the other hand takes my palm, holding and directing under the elastic pants, and giving a touch of linen fabric. I give a pressure, feeling her wetness on my fingers. Laura bites her bottom lip, looking at me.

  
  
Laura takes my hand out of her pants, holding my fingers and kissing my fingers, after taking them into the mouth. My eyes widened in surprise and shock. In my dreams I could not imagine such a thing. Her tongue slips through my fingers and between them. My heart began to beat at a furious pace. Oh, Lord, my pace the wound starts to bleed. I seemed to have stopped breathing.

  
  
Laura pulled my fingers out of her mouth, kissing me. Laura grabbed my shoulders, deepening the kiss. We kissed slowly. Laura’s palm falls on my neck, pulling me closer and her tongue slipping into my mouth. Laura makes a groan when she touches my tongue. I kiss her insistently, putting my hands on her hips.

 

My fingers took off Laura’s shirt. My fingers found the clasp bra, and this time, I was success. Laura helps me take off the bra. My lips hesitantly touch her chest, passing kisses to the nipple. I take nipple into the mouth, slightly biting. Laura buries her hands in my hair, pulling me closer.

 

I move away from Laura, looking at her. Laura smiles at me. My palm sneaks under the elastic pants. Laura lifts the hips, when two of my fingers slip inside. Laura moaned. Her hips begin to move toward my fingers. I moved my fingers slowly inside. I kissed Laura's neck, hearing Laura’s heavy breathing. Laura’s hips move faster.

 

Laura kissed me, rushing her tongue in my mouth. Laura's body tensed and I felt her muscles tightened around my fingers, and she moaned. After a few moments, I gently pulled my fingers out, taking my hand out of her pants. Laura looks at me, smiling.

 

“I love you,” she whispers.

 

“Yes, me too ... want to eat.”

 

Laura laughed.

 

“You're such a romantic. For the second time,” I kiss Laura on the cheek, closing my eyes.

 

After diner, Laura made me watch with her some tearful melodrama, which I watched with the most indifferent look in the world, listening to tearful sobs. Damn. When we went to sleep, Laura cried still half an hour.

 

Waking up the next day, I looked at the clock, which showed already twelve. I pulled myself closer to Laura, burying nose in her hair. Laura grunted, pulling the blanket over her head, and she covered me.

 

“Laura,” I muttered. Incomprehensible muttering.

 

“Laura,” I pull a blanket. Laura frowns in her sleep, turning face to me.

 

“Laura,” I kiss her nose, causing her to wince and opening her eyes.

 

“Hi,” she murmurs, hugging me. I sigh.

 

“Yes, sleepyhead. I never thought that you love so much sleep.”

 

“You don’t?” Laura rolls, taking on top of me. She puts her head on my chest, yawning. I roll my eyes.

 

“What am I, your pillow?”

  
“It’s a pity that you are not yellow,” Laura mumbles. I put my hands on her back.

  
“Why yellow?”

  
“Because yellow is my favorite color,” Laura raises her head, looking at me and smiling. Suddenly, her phone rang, making us to jump. Laura took a phone.

 

“Yes, Danny?” Laura says, and I sigh, removing my hands from her back.

  
“I'm good, how are you?”

  
“Yeah, I just got up. Carm woke me up,” we looked at each other. Laura discontent looked at me. I snorted.

  
“She's all right, Danny,” how much care.

  
“You go? Fifteen minutes? All right. With whom? With Kirsch?” Laura stared at me. I frowned. Yeah, come on, Xena. Really?

 

“Well, we are waiting for you,” Laura smiled.

  
“We?” I asked.

 

“We,” she confirms it.

  
“And why is me? And why is Wilson?”

  
“Because you're my girlfriend, and we are with you here, together,” Laura rests her hands on the bed, kissing me on the nose. “Come on up!”

  
Laura jumped from me to the floor, going downstairs. It seems my life is becoming more iridescent color. Sitting on the bed, I took a deep breath, realizing all the irreversibility of my peaceful and quiet life. Yeah. Laura and her friends don’t get bored.

  
Getting up from the bed, I put on the clothes; I came down, sitting down on the sofa and a switching on TV. Hello nonsense on the screen. Laura came out of the bath, coming up to me and kissing the top of my head. A few minutes later the doorbell rang, and Laura was off to open.  
  
“Hi, Danny,” I got up from the couch to see how Laura hung around red-head’s neck. Oh, yeah.

  
“Wow, Karnstein,” noticing me, Danny says. I smile. I walk to the door, leaning shoulder on the jamb. My eyebrows went up when I saw happy Kirsch, who waves to me. It seems he is now bursting with happiness.

 

“Are you all right?” Valkyrie asked Laura, but she looks at me.

  
“Yes, everything is fine, Danny, thank you.”

 

“I'm happy for you. However,” red-head shrugged. Laura smiled. “I was invited to one month to training center, that's ... That's why I'm leaving. With him,” Lawrence looked at Wilson, who, leaning against the car, almost fell.

 

“I hope you will succeed.”

 

“Let's see.”

 

“Danny?” Laura begins shuffling her foot on the pavement.

 

“What?”

 

“I'm sorry that I made you unhappy. I'm sorry,” Laura lowers her head, still shuffling her foot on the pavement. Danny puts her hand on her shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

 

“It's okay. It’s better to remember that you gave me a lot of happiness.”

 

“You know, I'm starting to miss you,” Laura purses her lips.

 

“It's just for a month. Moreover, I have an incredibly friend,” Lawrence sighs, pointing at Wilson, who smiles like the last moron on the planet. I've never seen him so happy.

 

“This weeks will reach eternity,” Laura rushes to the redhead's neck, hugging.

 

“By the way, on the eve of that day, Wilson tried to kiss me, but my fist kissed his stomach,” red-haired grinned and Laura muttered something to her neck, why she starts laughing.

 

“Oh, and yes,” Lawrence turns around, mostly staring at me, “if something happens with you both, I will kick your asses!”

 

I rolled my eyes, sighing. Ask Will it would be easier. Laura nodded to the words of Danny, looking at me. Valkyrie kissed Laura on the cheek, pausing for a few moments. She hugged her one last time, went to the side of the car.

 

“Bye, Laura! Carmilla,” he waved to me, sitting in the car. And then they left. Laura came up to me, pushing into the house and closing the door behind her. Laura put her hands on her hips, looking at me with displeasure.

 

“Well, what was that?” she asks. I shrugged.

 

“What?”

  
  
“Your dissatisfied face.”

 

“It was my normal face,” I shrug my shoulders, lowering my head.

 

“Oh, are you jealous?” Laura grins.

 

“I'm not jealous, I just love you so much,” frowning, I muttered. Laura smiled, kissing me on the nose. And then, I didn’t know what to do, when she hugged me, caught me by surprise. And at that moment the whole world belonged to me. Laura gave me something that I didn’t even know. Thanks to her, I realized how simple things accommodate love. All that I had before her, it’s not worth a single minute that we spent together.

 

Taking me by the sleeve, Laura pulled me upstairs to her room. Closing the door, Laura went to the notebook, switching on the slow music. I raised an eyebrow in surprise. No. No, no, no, no.

 

“Let's dance,” Laura smiles shyly, biting her lip. Well, no, please.

 

“Don’t you even ask,” I shake my head.

 

“Just a little bit,” Laura begs me, looking at my skeptical face.

 

“No.”

  
  
“You will like it,” she smiles.

 

“You're exactly proposed to dance?” I urged on her, why I get a slight bump on the shoulder. Snorting, I pulled Laura to me, putting a hand on her waist.

 

“You know that in the 1698 our dance could mean sex?” I asked, starting to move.

 

“Seriously? I didn’t know that you know so good history,” Laura kissed me on the lips. I smiled.

 

“If you often looked at my marks of the subjects you would know,” I half-close my eyes.

 

“Well, I will remember,” what? Shit. My tongue is my enemy. “Carm?”

 

“Yeah?” I embrace Laura's waist and her hands grasping my neck. Laura pressed closer to me.

 

“Are you afraid that Danny can do something?” I look at her, shaking my head.

 

“We have nothing to fear. The worst has already happened to us ... we love each other,” I say, looking that Laura raises her eyebrows in surprise. Her cheeks blushed.

 

“And what are you so embarrass?” I ask.

 

“I don’t know, you're embarrassing me at the moment,” Laura obviously didn’t know what to do with her eyes.

 

“Look, you love sentimental music,” Laura squints, and then she falls with me on the bed.

 

“Oh, you love to be in the charge?” I grin when Laura sits on my hips.

 

“You didn’t want to play good,” she shrugs, laughing. “Well, the laws are made to be broken.”

 

“I like the way you think,” Laura wrinkles her nose, smiling. Laura leans toward me, kissing. My hands wrapped around her face, making the kiss deeper. Her tender skin was under my fingers.

 

“Je suis heureuse que tu sois la,” I utter, smiling. Laura looks at me in surprise.

 

“Do you know French?”

 

“A little bit,” I'm embarrassed. Yes, when I had nothing to do, and it's almost my whole life, I slowly began to learn French.

 

“And how is it translated?” Laura sticks her nose into my cheek. I pursed lips.

 

“Let it be a secret.”

 

“But it was not a declaration of love,” she says. I start to laugh. Laura interrupts me with a kiss, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, causing the seat. Her lips pursed my and her tongue slipped into my mouth. Laura hugged my neck.

 

“Carm,” Laura said, stopping to kiss my lips and kissing going on my chin. The fingers unbuttoned my shirt. I felt her lips on my neck, and she kissed that where the pulse beats. I clung tightly to Laura, putting my hands on her buttocks. Laura kissed me again, and this time the kiss was demanding. I took off my shirt.

 

Laura puts her hands on my chest. My breathing gets off to hell when she pulls me to her for a kiss. She kisses down below, moving around my neck, kissing my collarbone and gliding kisses on my chest.

 

Her fingers finished with button and zipper on my jeans. She took off my jeans, throwing them on the floor. Laura went down below, kissing my chest, belle. Laura looked at me, seeing that I'm smiling. Laura pursed her lips and then smiled awkwardly.

 

“I have never done anything like this before,” her cheeks flushed.

 

“Me too, so ...” my hand touches her waist, squeezing gently. Laura stopped when I realize that she was looking at my healing wound. She brings her fingers to the wound, weightlessly touching. I take my breath away. Laura leans toward me, gently and carefully kissing my wound. And I want to shout from the realization of all that is going on with me.

 

“It will be scar,” she whispers, kissing, “but I already like it.”

 

Lord, Hollis, what are you doing? I close my face with my hands, smiling, like the last idiot. This is too much. It's too much for me ... Laura lifted, kissing me and sliding her tongue over my bottom lip. The sigh breaks my lips. Laura’s hips tightly pressed against mine. Laura’s breathe was so hot. My heart starts beating faster. My fingers squeezed her thigh.

 

Laura kisses down below, kissing my chin, neck, and clavicle, and passing kisses to my chest. She kissed the belly down below. Her fingers touched my underwear. I lift my hips to help Laura to take off them. I'm crossing my legs.

 

“Do you really want?” Laura asked, looking at me.

 

“You took off my underwear, I think, probably, yes,” I saw a little grin. Laura puts her hands on my knees, spreading them apart. Laura rests her hands on the bed, kissing the belly down below.

 

At first, Laura weightless kissed me there, then pushing her tongue. I twitch. Laura’s tongue goes down below, pressing on the entrance. I exhale loudly, clinging fingers in Laura’s hair. Laura kisses, pressing her tongue on the clitoris. I can’t concentrate on one thing. I bite my lip. Unconsciously, I press my hips closer to Laura's lips. Her tongue slips to the entrance, while her fingers pressed on the clit, making me arch.

 

When I said that I’ve never feel better than to kiss Laura, I was wrong. I feel like Laura lies next to me, kissing my shoulder.

 

“Can I die?” I removed my hands from the face.

 

“No,” I hear giggles. I looked at Laura, who looked embarrassed almost more than me. Laura kisses my palm.

 

“It was ...,” Laura cleared her throat a little, looking down.

 

“I have nothing to compare,” I kiss her on the lips, “so, yes.”

 

Laura puts her head on my chest, lying on me. My little elephant who think that she weighs like a nothing. Oh, well, yeah, okay.

 

“You know, love is cruel,” I mumble, “and at first, it really was so.”

 

“And what’s about now, my broody philosopher?”

 

“Also like this,” I grin, “for my nervous system.”

 

Laura laughed. I smiled.

 

“I love you.”

 

“Say it again.” 


End file.
